Wednesday, April 27, 2005
ELVIS IS EVERYWHERE!
Thursday, April 21, 2005
a list of things that i have made it to the age of 30 without doing:
1) learn to drive stick
2) blow a bubble with bubble gum
3) become a one hit wonder
4) kill a man with my bare hands
5) win the lotto
6) take up smoking, drinking or shootin up smack
7) see the movies, "gone with the wind" "eraserhead" or "spinal tap"
8) been in a turkish prison
9) given birth to a child
10) been stranded on a deserted island, reality show or otherwise...
so there.
1) learn to drive stick
2) blow a bubble with bubble gum
3) become a one hit wonder
4) kill a man with my bare hands
5) win the lotto
6) take up smoking, drinking or shootin up smack
7) see the movies, "gone with the wind" "eraserhead" or "spinal tap"
8) been in a turkish prison
9) given birth to a child
10) been stranded on a deserted island, reality show or otherwise...
so there.
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
i'm watching the movie, "the patriot" for the umpteenth time. sure it's historically inaccurate, but if it was accurate, it just wouldn't make for great movie making.
take Star Wars for instance.
any whats it. i'm watchin the battle scenes and about every time you see a drummer boy he's wearing a bloody bandage around his head.
now i know, the drummer boy had to be the crappiest job in any army back then.
did he get caught telling a bad joke or mouthing off to the general or something?
did he lose a bet, draw the shortest straw or check the wrong box on his application?
and for the opposing army, maybe it was more points if you were able to hit the little drummer boy first. did they time it out, and yell pa rum pa pum PUM (BANG!)?
or maybe, just maybe, he was shot or bludgeoned by his own side. maybe they were annoyed by hearing the rat-a-tat-tat of drums as they were about to die.
or maybe, just maybe, the drummer boy wasn't even supposed to bring his drums. maybe he was that kid who just can't go anywhere without his headphones blaring so that everybody in the vicinity can hear his crappy taste in music.
i won't list any crappy music right here because heaven knows i listen to some pretty crappy music myself sometimes, but that's neither here nor there.
maybe he was supposed to have a gun, but he just thought people would like him better if he played his drums loudly and persistently, even at social gatherings where people might enjoy talking to each other as opposed to yelling over the noise.
lotta maybes there.
anyway, i hope you see my point.
drummer boys had it coming.
pa rum pa pum BANG!
take Star Wars for instance.
any whats it. i'm watchin the battle scenes and about every time you see a drummer boy he's wearing a bloody bandage around his head.
now i know, the drummer boy had to be the crappiest job in any army back then.
did he get caught telling a bad joke or mouthing off to the general or something?
did he lose a bet, draw the shortest straw or check the wrong box on his application?
and for the opposing army, maybe it was more points if you were able to hit the little drummer boy first. did they time it out, and yell pa rum pa pum PUM (BANG!)?
or maybe, just maybe, he was shot or bludgeoned by his own side. maybe they were annoyed by hearing the rat-a-tat-tat of drums as they were about to die.
or maybe, just maybe, the drummer boy wasn't even supposed to bring his drums. maybe he was that kid who just can't go anywhere without his headphones blaring so that everybody in the vicinity can hear his crappy taste in music.
i won't list any crappy music right here because heaven knows i listen to some pretty crappy music myself sometimes, but that's neither here nor there.
maybe he was supposed to have a gun, but he just thought people would like him better if he played his drums loudly and persistently, even at social gatherings where people might enjoy talking to each other as opposed to yelling over the noise.
lotta maybes there.
anyway, i hope you see my point.
drummer boys had it coming.
pa rum pa pum BANG!
BLING IT ON!
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
y'know? chocolate just tastes better when it's wrapped up in gold coin form.
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
well, it finally happened.
as i mentioned earlier, the demon smell dwindled down to nothing. and all is well again to the olfactory senses in spacey's household.
i was afraid that Dinglenoose would leave his mark or make a final hurrah on his way out and on to the next unsuspecting family.
at first i believed that he just possessed the dog that lives in the house under us. it rarely ceases its annoying barking for a good part of the day, mostly when i'm trying to sleep in or read. it just turns out that the poor animal hates being locked up in a garage 23 hours a day. i'm not a big animal rights kind of guy, but that's just mean.
no. as the slippery demon left our presence he disabled my only VCR beyond repair. i had three at one point, but they slowly went the way of the buffalo.
now i know what most of you youngins are thinkin: "Space, haven't you heard of a new form of media called the D V D?"
yes, yes i have.
but here in lies the dilemma. my 3 year old daughter watches her favorite movies on video cassettes. and besides, cassettes play right away when you place them in the player. kids have no patience for a menu that takes 20 minutes to load that you can't skip. stinkin Disney.
this was the absolute hardest part about this. i had to explain to my heart broken daughter that we can no longer watch her Blues Clues or Little People (Fisher Price) movies because the VCR was broken. it was like explaining why her favorite pet had gone off to sing for the choir invisible.
she took it pretty hard. she kept asking me, "id da V T Arr boken?" "fis it, daddeee"
she then proceeded to sing the entire blues clues song , from the middle to the end of the song, she yelled the rest at the top of her lungs.
i know what some people would say. Space, why are you letting the TV raise your child, yada yada yada... hey, what can i say? the kid likes movies. she's like her old man that way. she also loves reading and playing with stickers.
so nyah!
so, Dinglenoose, when your time comes and you punishment begins, i hope you burn for a long time you shiny, smelly demon.
as i mentioned earlier, the demon smell dwindled down to nothing. and all is well again to the olfactory senses in spacey's household.
i was afraid that Dinglenoose would leave his mark or make a final hurrah on his way out and on to the next unsuspecting family.
at first i believed that he just possessed the dog that lives in the house under us. it rarely ceases its annoying barking for a good part of the day, mostly when i'm trying to sleep in or read. it just turns out that the poor animal hates being locked up in a garage 23 hours a day. i'm not a big animal rights kind of guy, but that's just mean.
no. as the slippery demon left our presence he disabled my only VCR beyond repair. i had three at one point, but they slowly went the way of the buffalo.
now i know what most of you youngins are thinkin: "Space, haven't you heard of a new form of media called the D V D?"
yes, yes i have.
but here in lies the dilemma. my 3 year old daughter watches her favorite movies on video cassettes. and besides, cassettes play right away when you place them in the player. kids have no patience for a menu that takes 20 minutes to load that you can't skip. stinkin Disney.
this was the absolute hardest part about this. i had to explain to my heart broken daughter that we can no longer watch her Blues Clues or Little People (Fisher Price) movies because the VCR was broken. it was like explaining why her favorite pet had gone off to sing for the choir invisible.
she took it pretty hard. she kept asking me, "id da V T Arr boken?" "fis it, daddeee"
she then proceeded to sing the entire blues clues song , from the middle to the end of the song, she yelled the rest at the top of her lungs.
i know what some people would say. Space, why are you letting the TV raise your child, yada yada yada... hey, what can i say? the kid likes movies. she's like her old man that way. she also loves reading and playing with stickers.
so nyah!
so, Dinglenoose, when your time comes and you punishment begins, i hope you burn for a long time you shiny, smelly demon.
Friday, April 08, 2005
Can you find Space in this pic? Hint: He's right next to Hugo and down one and over two from the Mystery Camper!
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
DEMON WATCH '05
well, the smell created by Dinglenoose seems to be dissipating. though it did take a lot to shake the demon loose. we are reduced to using a cooler to store our cold food. (we had to throw some out due to Dinglenoose's funk clinging tenaciously to it) i haven't had a cold pop at home in days. the fridge doors are propped open, air fresheners and baking soda reside inside, dealing with the zombie demon mouse from hell. it seems to be working. i came home today and my senses were not assaulted when i reached the top of the stairs. but i have a bad feeling about this... i just can't shake that Dinglenoose has something up his sleeve. i think he's gonna go out with a bang, like ignite the fridge in blue flame or leave an image of the deceased pope forever etched in the ceiling. but i pray not for any of this to happen! i pray that he does not go out with a bang, but a whimper. that he be forgotten and no songs are written about his evil deeds. so let it be written, so let it be done.
well, the smell created by Dinglenoose seems to be dissipating. though it did take a lot to shake the demon loose. we are reduced to using a cooler to store our cold food. (we had to throw some out due to Dinglenoose's funk clinging tenaciously to it) i haven't had a cold pop at home in days. the fridge doors are propped open, air fresheners and baking soda reside inside, dealing with the zombie demon mouse from hell. it seems to be working. i came home today and my senses were not assaulted when i reached the top of the stairs. but i have a bad feeling about this... i just can't shake that Dinglenoose has something up his sleeve. i think he's gonna go out with a bang, like ignite the fridge in blue flame or leave an image of the deceased pope forever etched in the ceiling. but i pray not for any of this to happen! i pray that he does not go out with a bang, but a whimper. that he be forgotten and no songs are written about his evil deeds. so let it be written, so let it be done.
Friday, April 01, 2005
i need an exorcist for my refrigerator.
since sunday of this week there has been a smell emanating from my kitchen that has been driving me and my wife crazy.
i spent sunday night doing the dishes and spraying lysol around the garbage area.
monday: i had the day off so i spent most of the day trying to isolate the funk.
i used bleach to clean behind the dishwasher, the sink, inside the sink and every corner and crevice i could possibly get to.
i was quite happy with myself.
until the clean bleach smell wore off.
and the smell returned.
tuesday: smell lives on. clean more. wifey gets involved. day ends. smell lives on.
wednesday: sort of isolate the smell to the fridge. wifey cleans out fridge. wipes out inside and all around in fridge. smell is still there when i get home. i move the entire fridge, clean the floor and all surroundings around the fridge bottom area. when this does not work, i blame satan.
thursday: we buy oust spray and arm and hammer for the inside of the fridge. at this point i'm sure the funk is caused by a demon. i decided to name him Dinglenoose. every time we clean more, we anger him. and he decides to permeate my house even more. this is the kind of evil that made people who had many gods believe that they had angered them, and were being punished. i hate you so much, Dinglenoose.
friday, today: we are told and believe that Dinglenoose is a mouse. a dead one. that chose to die inside our fridge. i take apart the back of our fridge. no dead mouse. no demon. evil smell of Dinglenoose lives on even stronger. he must die, AND GO BACK TO THE SHADOW!
more on the demon watch later. if you know any incantations or other things that actually rid the house of demons or poltergeists, let me know.
since sunday of this week there has been a smell emanating from my kitchen that has been driving me and my wife crazy.
i spent sunday night doing the dishes and spraying lysol around the garbage area.
monday: i had the day off so i spent most of the day trying to isolate the funk.
i used bleach to clean behind the dishwasher, the sink, inside the sink and every corner and crevice i could possibly get to.
i was quite happy with myself.
until the clean bleach smell wore off.
and the smell returned.
tuesday: smell lives on. clean more. wifey gets involved. day ends. smell lives on.
wednesday: sort of isolate the smell to the fridge. wifey cleans out fridge. wipes out inside and all around in fridge. smell is still there when i get home. i move the entire fridge, clean the floor and all surroundings around the fridge bottom area. when this does not work, i blame satan.
thursday: we buy oust spray and arm and hammer for the inside of the fridge. at this point i'm sure the funk is caused by a demon. i decided to name him Dinglenoose. every time we clean more, we anger him. and he decides to permeate my house even more. this is the kind of evil that made people who had many gods believe that they had angered them, and were being punished. i hate you so much, Dinglenoose.
friday, today: we are told and believe that Dinglenoose is a mouse. a dead one. that chose to die inside our fridge. i take apart the back of our fridge. no dead mouse. no demon. evil smell of Dinglenoose lives on even stronger. he must die, AND GO BACK TO THE SHADOW!
more on the demon watch later. if you know any incantations or other things that actually rid the house of demons or poltergeists, let me know.
