Lightsabers and Lollipops

THINGS YOU CAN DO TO YOUR ROOMMATE AT CIY
(which i did, sorry jordan)

1) set the alarm clock under his bed to go off at 4:00 am.
make it one of those clocks that plays music that you pick
i chose the song "DU" by David Hasselhoff from the motion picture soundtrack
Eurotrip

p.s. i never got this to work right. i automatically turned it off the first time i tried it. the second time the tape didn't play and it played some static filled country station, and that just annoyed me. so sad.

2) wake him up in the morning by playing "DU" because the whole alarm clock thing didn't work. did i mention that i was standing on his bed singing it at the top of my lungs and waving my arms in the air?

3) pick songs to sing in the shower so all your suite-mates and roommate can hear, like "i'm every woman" by whitney houston or "wind beneath my wings" by bette midler.

4) start a fart that doesn't seem to stop so start walking around the room like it's propelling you. i made it 3 quarters around the room. i even impressed myself with that one.

5) plug in an answering machine that you got for free. leave a message that says, "hey this is Space (jordan yells in the background "AND JORDAN") we're not here right now, so please leave a message and we'll never call you back." write www.spacemanrocks.com all over it and leave it in the room after CIY is over. just in case anybody calls after we leave.

6) bring toys that are still in the original plastic. open them on random days. it's like Christmas all the time with Spacey around.

7) argue the coolness of Transformers Generation 1 over Beast Wars until the early AM. josh helped with that one. his heart broke a little when Optimus Prime died.

anyway, i'm sure there's more. it was a long week. things i didn't get to do were: hold an all night rave, peeing in his bed and making him think he did it, somehow running a game show with fabulous prizes.

ah well.

rock, rock on.

www.iloveegg.com

that's it!
i want my hair back!
who took it?
c'mon, ...who took it?
fess up or i'm callin parents.

one ring to rule them all?

everybody wants to be Turbo.

nobody wants to be Ozone.

and if you don't know what i'm talkin bout, then you get to be Special K.

let's smoke these fools!

LOOK AT IT!

I MEAN, I, I, I MEAN, JUST LOOK AT IT!!!

GAH!

meet Cindy Lu Who.

what Cindy Lu was doing at a teen conference I couldn't tell you.

but there she was, quick as a wink.

gibbledy gobbying

and enjoying her drink.

but what above where, who should appear?

it was crazy old Spaceman

and his camera without fear.



though his camera itself held no fear in it's eyes

Cindy Lu's youth sponsor's face did show surprise.

so Spacey sent Cindy Lu Who over with a gift

a present, if you will, to mend this minor rift.

it was a pillow

a pillow named "D"

it was quite fluffy

fluffy, furry and best of all free!



a pillow named "D"?

A PILLOW NAMED "D"!

why, this pillow had the exact same initial as he!

he held it up high

he held it with care

it tickled him so much

he stuck his tongue in the air.



so crazy old Spaceman

made a friend or two that day

and with his pictures and memories

he went on his merry old way.

THE END.

WELCOME TO WWW.SPACEMANROCKS.COM

HOPE YOU ENJOY THE RIDE!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

(21:16:48) TheresNo1likeU8: I don't know!?! where is he!?!
(21:16:54) TheresNo1likeU8: you mean, where was he today at church? lol
(21:17:00) space4prez: um, no
(21:17:11) TheresNo1likeU8: um, well
(21:17:15) TheresNo1likeU8: then what do you mean?!
(21:17:23) space4prez: i need to make sure he's gonna be my roomate
(21:17:33) TheresNo1likeU8: lol
(21:17:50) space4prez: yeah, thats right! laugh!
(21:18:09) TheresNo1likeU8: that'll be funny with you two together
(21:18:15) space4prez: i hope so
(21:18:23) space4prez: i hope he doesnt kill me
(21:18:46) space4prez: anyway
(21:18:51) space4prez: i dont have his numba
(21:19:02) TheresNo1likeU8: his new cell phone number?
(21:19:02) space4prez: have the lil guy call me or sumthin
(21:19:08) space4prez: any numba
(21:19:17) space4prez: numba numba numba
**************************(numba deleted)i think that's his cell phone number
(21:20:51) space4prez: we'll see about that.
(21:21:03) TheresNo1likeU8: no wait
(21:21:08) TheresNo1likeU8: maybe you shouldn't try that one
(21:21:10) space4prez: hu-what?
(21:21:12) TheresNo1likeU8: i don't know
(21:21:31) space4prez: oi
(21:21:35) TheresNo1likeU8: no, it's gotta be
(21:21:57) space4prez: if i call some random stranger and say that i'm space....
(21:22:10) space4prez: (shakes finger)
(21:22:19) TheresNo1likeU8: lol
(21:23:12) space4prez: calling
(21:24:22) space4prez: dear Lord, i hope that was his voice mail
(21:24:27) TheresNo1likeU8: lol
(21:25:07) space4prez: i just yelled, "THE NEW PHONE BOOK'S HERE!" two times and hung up
(21:25:28) TheresNo1likeU8: i hope that was him lol
(21:25:30) space4prez: probably should have left more info
(21:25:32) TheresNo1likeU8: it should be lol
(21:26:27) TheresNo1likeU8: ciy is almost here!
(21:26:58) space4prez: i packed everything including a monkey on a stick
(21:28:57) TheresNo1likeU8: what?
(21:30:45) space4prez: do i need to repeat it?
(21:31:00) TheresNo1likeU8: what's a monkey on a stick?
(21:31:13) space4prez: a monkey
(21:31:21) space4prez: that is
(21:31:25) space4prez: on a
(21:31:28) space4prez: stick
(21:31:34) TheresNo1likeU8: why would you need one of those?
(21:33:09) space4prez: WHY NOT!
(21:33:22) space4prez: sooo many uses
(21:33:42) TheresNo1likeU8: like....
(21:34:17) space4prez: parting crowds
(21:34:31) space4prez: scratching your back
(21:34:50) TheresNo1likeU8: lol
(21:35:00) space4prez: washing that "hard to reach" area
(21:35:16) TheresNo1likeU8: you should use it to really part the crowds then
(21:35:25) space4prez: i've seen it done
(21:35:50) space4prez: those comic book nerds never knew what hit them
(21:35:56) space4prez: sort of.
(21:37:51) space4prez: im gonna go shave my head
(21:38:03) TheresNo1likeU8: okay lol

FAO SCHWARTZ: VEGAS STYLE!!!



even though they posted a sign that said, DO NOT PLAY HEART AND SOUL on the "BIG" piano. we gave it a shot anyway. it's not that easy kids.

no one was on that level anyway.

this, sadly, was the take home version...



ripoff.

Spacey's Gross Story 'O' the Day
(ah know you been wantin one)

okee dokee. i get done with all my stops today and call in to see if anybody needs help or if i can head on home.

unfortunately, yes, they did have another place for me stop.
there's a place that's pretty much a retirement community that has a pool.
well, today, on a pretty darn hot day when most people would enjoy a refreshing swim in a pool, someone had an accident.

that's right. somebody pooped in a public pool. and they totally got away with it, cuz nobody knew who did it.

i keep picturing the scene from "caddy shack" when somebody threw a candy bar into the water and everybody ran out screaming like it was Jaws.

my mind kept screaming, "IT'S DOODEE!"

they had pretty much got most of it out, i just needed to vac the rest up and throw in LOTS of chemicals.

they kept saying they couldn't believe it. this kind of thing was never supposed to happen in a 55 and older community. i held back my laughter. i mean, let's face it. i'm 31 and even i seem to be losing control of my bodily functions.

now allow me to go off on a tangent here.
if you haven't noticed, growing old scares the crap outta me.
it's not fair. let me repeat that.

it is not fair.

and here's why: i think when you grow older you should like receive prizes and super powers for making it that far. instead you only get decay and disrespect. this may seem a bit extreme. but hey, i said it ain't fair. so there.

someone who could have helped win a war, build a city, shot an elephant in the face or invented the best tasting chocolate bar in the world still needs help getting dressed or can't make it to the bathroom that is ten feet away.

and the bathroom was, in fact, ten feet away from the pool.

they were all super worried about it. which i kinda understand. health department issues and all. they had signs up that said the pool was closed due to unsanitary conditions. better safe than sorry. who wants to swim in human feces?

i did learn that the human body when showered off at the end of the day will leave behind a peanut sized piece of feces. now, think about public pools. that's a lot of planters sized poops floating around. now. think about public spas....

ewwww.

try not to worry too much, that's why there's sanitary chemicals.

if you think about my job. a pool boy. i work pretty much against nature. i put a body of water in someone's backyard. and do everything i can to make sure it doesn't naturally turn into a pond. (shakes fist at nature)

plus i get to see chicks in bikinis and work outside.

good times.

it's only a matter of time before i'm replaced by robots.

robots in bikinis.

i'm pretty sure this is where i should stop typing.

i'm watchin shaun of the dead for the 28th time and i wondered,

do gay people use "straight" in a derogatory sense?

as in:

dude, that is so straight.

those pants are so heterosexual.

etc.

i honestly can't think of any other terms.

i'm sure this has been brought up before at one time or another.

it was just one of those questions i all of a sudden had and there was no one around who could answer.

anyway, i hope you see my point.

katrina relief.

so i took wifey to see "Dead Man's Chest.
it's the "Empire Stikes Back" of the Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy.



(i replaced the previous picture with this when i finally realized that the AT-AT's were not in fact trying to play "leap frog")

best
actions
scenes
ever.

Ha! Superman is a deadbeat dad.

have you ever been so mad you can't form real words?

i usually yell things at people in the confines of my car that i would never, ever tell anybody in person. much less scream in their face, as i imagine myself doing.

but i'm talking about so mad that you can't even get cuss words right.

i called some guy a "butt hat" today.

which of course, cheered me up, cuz it made me laugh.

i kept repeating "butt hat?" and wondering what the heck that meant and how very unpleasant that sounded.

so here's to all you butt hats out there.

drive safely and drink pepsi.

my son loves The Electric Company. he perks up every time that he hears, "we're gonna turn it on. we're gonna bring up the power."

now that's good 70's educational television!

one whole year from today.