Thursday, July 13, 2006
Spacey's Gross Story 'O' the Day
(ah know you been wantin one)
okee dokee. i get done with all my stops today and call in to see if anybody needs help or if i can head on home.
unfortunately, yes, they did have another place for me stop.
there's a place that's pretty much a retirement community that has a pool.
well, today, on a pretty darn hot day when most people would enjoy a refreshing swim in a pool, someone had an accident.
that's right. somebody pooped in a public pool. and they totally got away with it, cuz nobody knew who did it.
i keep picturing the scene from "caddy shack" when somebody threw a candy bar into the water and everybody ran out screaming like it was Jaws.
my mind kept screaming, "IT'S DOODEE!"
they had pretty much got most of it out, i just needed to vac the rest up and throw in LOTS of chemicals.
they kept saying they couldn't believe it. this kind of thing was never supposed to happen in a 55 and older community. i held back my laughter. i mean, let's face it. i'm 31 and even i seem to be losing control of my bodily functions.
now allow me to go off on a tangent here.
if you haven't noticed, growing old scares the crap outta me.
it's not fair. let me repeat that.
it is not fair.
and here's why: i think when you grow older you should like receive prizes and super powers for making it that far. instead you only get decay and disrespect. this may seem a bit extreme. but hey, i said it ain't fair. so there.
someone who could have helped win a war, build a city, shot an elephant in the face or invented the best tasting chocolate bar in the world still needs help getting dressed or can't make it to the bathroom that is ten feet away.
and the bathroom was, in fact, ten feet away from the pool.
they were all super worried about it. which i kinda understand. health department issues and all. they had signs up that said the pool was closed due to unsanitary conditions. better safe than sorry. who wants to swim in human feces?
i did learn that the human body when showered off at the end of the day will leave behind a peanut sized piece of feces. now, think about public pools. that's a lot of planters sized poops floating around. now. think about public spas....
ewwww.
try not to worry too much, that's why there's sanitary chemicals.
if you think about my job. a pool boy. i work pretty much against nature. i put a body of water in someone's backyard. and do everything i can to make sure it doesn't naturally turn into a pond. (shakes fist at nature)
plus i get to see chicks in bikinis and work outside.
good times.
it's only a matter of time before i'm replaced by robots.
robots in bikinis.
i'm pretty sure this is where i should stop typing.
(ah know you been wantin one)
okee dokee. i get done with all my stops today and call in to see if anybody needs help or if i can head on home.
unfortunately, yes, they did have another place for me stop.
there's a place that's pretty much a retirement community that has a pool.
well, today, on a pretty darn hot day when most people would enjoy a refreshing swim in a pool, someone had an accident.
that's right. somebody pooped in a public pool. and they totally got away with it, cuz nobody knew who did it.
i keep picturing the scene from "caddy shack" when somebody threw a candy bar into the water and everybody ran out screaming like it was Jaws.
my mind kept screaming, "IT'S DOODEE!"
they had pretty much got most of it out, i just needed to vac the rest up and throw in LOTS of chemicals.
they kept saying they couldn't believe it. this kind of thing was never supposed to happen in a 55 and older community. i held back my laughter. i mean, let's face it. i'm 31 and even i seem to be losing control of my bodily functions.
now allow me to go off on a tangent here.
if you haven't noticed, growing old scares the crap outta me.
it's not fair. let me repeat that.
it is not fair.
and here's why: i think when you grow older you should like receive prizes and super powers for making it that far. instead you only get decay and disrespect. this may seem a bit extreme. but hey, i said it ain't fair. so there.
someone who could have helped win a war, build a city, shot an elephant in the face or invented the best tasting chocolate bar in the world still needs help getting dressed or can't make it to the bathroom that is ten feet away.
and the bathroom was, in fact, ten feet away from the pool.
they were all super worried about it. which i kinda understand. health department issues and all. they had signs up that said the pool was closed due to unsanitary conditions. better safe than sorry. who wants to swim in human feces?
i did learn that the human body when showered off at the end of the day will leave behind a peanut sized piece of feces. now, think about public pools. that's a lot of planters sized poops floating around. now. think about public spas....
ewwww.
try not to worry too much, that's why there's sanitary chemicals.
if you think about my job. a pool boy. i work pretty much against nature. i put a body of water in someone's backyard. and do everything i can to make sure it doesn't naturally turn into a pond. (shakes fist at nature)
plus i get to see chicks in bikinis and work outside.
good times.
it's only a matter of time before i'm replaced by robots.
robots in bikinis.
i'm pretty sure this is where i should stop typing.
