Lightsabers and Lollipops

i really, really want to hit a goose.
whether it be with a car or even just being able to punch one in the face.

i'm pretty sure that everything a goose honks out translates into cuss words.

there, i said it.

VEGAS BABY!

now press *

SNAKES ON A PLANE!


(repeat until michelle stops laughing)

and then she'll say, "i don't get it."

yknow? i've never owned a pair of overalls or seen the movie "big top pee-wee."

i'd like to think i'm a better person for that.

when cheerleaders yell, READY?... OK! is that a time for someone to yell if they are not ready?
are the cheerleaders supposed to be the ones ready or are the fans supposed to be the ones to check in before the all clear is given?
what if ine of the participants isn't ready?
will they stop and wait til everyone is indeed ready and ok?
i feel the need to test this, but then i would have to go to a sports event.
if i do go, i hope they have funnel cakes.
i loves me some fried fat covered in sugar.

i'm gettin real sad and unhappy that i'm workin every minute of daylight lately.

is it winter yet?

in snow white, if the evil queen could make a potion to make her uglier, why couldn't she make a potion to make her prettier?

i hate fairy tales.

anyway, i'm in kind of a pickle.

when my cell phone took a dive in a pool the other day (it sink like a stone by the way) it took all the numbers i had stored in it to it's watery grave.

so that means that i need people to call me so that i may have their numbers again. you know who you are...

and for the people that i never call but have every intention to, like jim w, short steve, chris j and er, some other guys (and maybe even girls) or whatnot, now i have a sad but believable excuse on why i never call.

fact is, i'm just lazy. i'm not a social planner. most times, i rely on john to invite me to things. i couldn't even get a guestlist for my 30th birthday party down. so i cancelled it altogether. i'm scooter on the muppet test for crying out loud!!! ...sad.

anyway, i even had to shop for new ringtones. the star wars tones aren't available for my model of phone yet. sigh. so for a new tone i was torn between Devo's song uncontrollable urge and Fatboy Slim's weapon of choice.
i went for fatboy cuz it's an mp3 real song with no words. the problem with the Devo ring was it wasn't the part of the song i wanted in mp3 version and the better version was the polyphonic one. and that is sooo 2005.

of course, my question is: when they make ringtones out of songs, why do they choose the worst, or the least interesting part of the song?
it befuddles me.

so if you work for a pool company, and would like a new sassy little cell phone, just drop your old one into a pool and see if it survives the plunge. you have to make it look like an accident by the way. the story of mine was true. i had it in my hoddie pocket in order to keep it dry from the rain. it fell out of the pocket and you know the rest. i no longer had to worry about the rain getting it wet anymore...

i'm done.

at least i got to work in the words befuddled and sassy.

i was trying to avoid using the term, "nether regions."
don't ask.

i just like saying sassy!


SSSSSSSASSY!

so i'm shootin birds with a bb gun in bruce and dana's backyard and i'm thinkin; life's a pretty sweet fruit.

Spacey shakes fist at Lucas.

i think i was inadvertently on the news today.

i was cleanin a pool, like i do. i mean, that's my job.
and i hear police sirens. no biggie. then firetrucks. sounded pretty close.
eh, what cha gonna do?

then i hear the news helicopters.

...right above my head.

so very, very loud.

i keep workin. what am i gonna do about it?

i go to my truck to get something. like everybody in the neighborhood practically runs to see what's going on. morbid curiosity. people are sheep.
i continue to work. as usual. i'm running late.

the song, "why does this always happen to me" by weird al pops into my head.
can't get it out.

the owner of the pool tells me that a house is on fire and points to the sky. sure enough. there was a plume of smoke rising into the heavens.

i just think about the alternate route that i have to take to avoid the firetrucks and hangers on.

anyway, after awhile, the news copters leave. i guessed they got video of the best of the blaze and decided to move on. i'm sure the house was still on fire. but well, the exciting part was over.

well, if the news choppers did get to video tape me, i'm glad that i was wearing a hat. the glare from my shiny dome could have blinded the pilot and he might have crashed. and then more news copters would have to fly over to see that crash. and so on and so on.

i don't think this story will ever get around to having a point. so i will just stop.

tacos rule.

so last night i went to bed angry.
this morning i woke at 5:00 am.
on purpose.
so you know that i woke up angry.
despite getting to work so early i still got outta there right on time.
but by then, my spirits had lifted.
drinkin dew does that.
then it took me forever to get to my first stop.
people just aren't in a hurry to get anywhere if water is falling from the sky.
so now i'm really behind.
second stop, i drop my phone in the pool.
it drowned.
it will never play the Imperial March as a ringtone again.
sigh.
couple more stops.
no problems.
go to gas station, get nachos.
no chili for nachos.
great.
fill my drinkie.
hole on bottom of cup.
sigh.
pay for food and refill of drink.
go outside.
then i try to use calling card from bank to call work.
card expired.
dang.
moving on.
after driving awhile, i realize my work has an 800 number i can call.
it's um, it's printed on the side of my truck...
sigh.
as i realize this, i try to shift nachos.
they spill on my arm and paperwork.
i yell words that aren't church appropiate.
go through the rest of the day.
no big problems.
last stop.
i drove far down south.
only to find out that i went to the wrong house, cuz the people had moved.
sigh.
well, that's about it.
if i in good spirits this would have been a sucky day.
i love you mountain dew.
let's never fight again.

i hate Pepsi burps.

they just burn so bad.

i caught myself talking out loud to a taco bell sauce packet today.

sometimes, i worry about me.

so thanks to phil, four dollas and twenty-nine cents later, i had a double texas whopper.

advertising works.

i'm gonna go buy a slinky.

it's fun it's a wonderful toy.

well, that's what i heard...