Lightsabers and Lollipops

my name is Space, and I am a humbug.

Happy Christmas and all that. yup, i've been told by my wifey that i am a bit of a humbug.

i very much appreciate that Christmas represents the birth of Christ.

and i even don't mind giving and receiving gifts.

it's just about everything else that surrounds this...season that i can gladly set on fire.

and please don't let it offend or behoove you that i'm not a big fan of plastic santas on the lawn or strings of twinkly lights arranged in haphazard fashion in the front yard.
but when i get "checked" or shoved really hard by a woman trying to get to the next register that just opened up, i'm gettin the feeling that those merry songs and decorations just aren't getting her into the so called"spirit of the season".

so iv'e come up with some non-violent ways that i can spread the love during this happy loving and glowing time of year:

1) when parking at your favorite mall or shopping center, remember, while walking back to your car, go down the opposite aisle that your car is actually parked in. this leads to much fun and hilarity to the person who has been stalking you in their car and waiting for your spot. they may even honk at you to let you know, "ha' good one!"

2) while shopping pick up a random item and proclaim, "wow, i can't believe this is the last one!!" and then place the item down and walk away.. little johnny may not really have asked for that soap dispenser but when his parents tell him that they had to buy it or else somebody else would get it, he'll understand.

3) give away dead animals at Christmas parties. i've never done this. but i've seen it happen. and there was much laughter and merriment.

4) cardboard. lots of cardboard.

5) blame everything on it being Christmas. i.e. why did your dog eat my cat? answer. it's Christmas. and leave it at that. do this for every little thing.

well, that's all. mind you i really only do the parking lot thing and blame everything bad or good on it being Christmas, but you know how i like to make lists.

well, enjoy your stinkin holidays everybody.

p.s. there is no santa claus

this bag is not a toy.

my name is Space, and I am funky.


bert and Ernie are not gay. they are just two misunderstood souls who laugh weird and happen to room together. have you seen the price of a one bedroom apartment in new york? and the real deciding factor for Bert and Ernie's non gaiety: separate beds. being gay is bad. does saying this make me a bigot or a "hater"? nope. just someone who believes same sex relations never stopped being wrong.

and on a lighter note, clowns.
(circus music: do do dododododo do do do do)

my name is Space, and I am funky.

I don't want the world. I just want your half.

my name is Space, and I am funky.

very well. it's about time i provided the answers to the 3 and half of you that took my leetle quiz.

here ya go:

1) TRUE nope, never seen a single episode, although i hear it's good quality family entertainment. or it has something to do with... "the family"

2) B i'm afraid of camels. they spit.

3) D Thor he would tap his walking stick on the ground and it would turn into thor's mighty hammer Mjolnir

4) A the kids were making fun of my cowboy boots. they told me i kicked my butt when i ran. so they chased me. i just plain got tired of it and hurled a real hatchet at one of them. my life would have been so changed if he had not been luckily only hit by the handle of the hatchet. i will never do that again. of course, they not only made fun of my boots, now they made fun of me because i threw like a girl.
but i'm much better now...

5) B 42 it's the question thats important

6) D al of the above and then some. unless i hire a really good hypnotist or hit him in the head very hard. even then, im sure he would snap out of after listening to it for more than 5 minutes.

7) D he lost a video game. yeah, thanks marvel. real good writing there. then they put Grimlock in charge...

8) B braveheart FREEEEDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

9) D that's right. D

10) FALSE she's named after the beautiful sky that GOD created.

and my favorite songs from Morris Day and the Time are: jungle love, the bird and to the lesser extent, Ice Cream Castles.

good night everybody and don't touch my stuff when i'm gone.

my name is Space, and I am funky.

this is just a reminder that failure to pass in the answers to your test will result in a poor grade and you will be held back a semester.

your friends will make fun of you. you'll end up sitting with the lunch lady and the girls gym teacher. you wont be able to figure out which of the two is wierder. you'll wonder if wierder is really a word. you'll spend alot more time wondering why you're wondering about that and how much time you really spent wondering about that.

and then, sadly, all your daydreaming and procrastinating can only lead to one thing. the late shift at some knock off taco bell restaurant. filling fajitas and dreaming of a better life that could have all been yours if you had only turned in the answers to that test...

so please, do yourself a favor. hand in your answers quickly.

p.s. none of the answers are meat.