Wednesday, December 24, 2003
my name is Space, and I am a humbug.
Happy Christmas and all that. yup, i've been told by my wifey that i am a bit of a humbug.
i very much appreciate that Christmas represents the birth of Christ.
and i even don't mind giving and receiving gifts.
it's just about everything else that surrounds this...season that i can gladly set on fire.
and please don't let it offend or behoove you that i'm not a big fan of plastic santas on the lawn or strings of twinkly lights arranged in haphazard fashion in the front yard.
but when i get "checked" or shoved really hard by a woman trying to get to the next register that just opened up, i'm gettin the feeling that those merry songs and decorations just aren't getting her into the so called"spirit of the season".
so iv'e come up with some non-violent ways that i can spread the love during this happy loving and glowing time of year:
1) when parking at your favorite mall or shopping center, remember, while walking back to your car, go down the opposite aisle that your car is actually parked in. this leads to much fun and hilarity to the person who has been stalking you in their car and waiting for your spot. they may even honk at you to let you know, "ha' good one!"
2) while shopping pick up a random item and proclaim, "wow, i can't believe this is the last one!!" and then place the item down and walk away.. little johnny may not really have asked for that soap dispenser but when his parents tell him that they had to buy it or else somebody else would get it, he'll understand.
3) give away dead animals at Christmas parties. i've never done this. but i've seen it happen. and there was much laughter and merriment.
4) cardboard. lots of cardboard.
5) blame everything on it being Christmas. i.e. why did your dog eat my cat? answer. it's Christmas. and leave it at that. do this for every little thing.
well, that's all. mind you i really only do the parking lot thing and blame everything bad or good on it being Christmas, but you know how i like to make lists.
well, enjoy your stinkin holidays everybody.
p.s. there is no santa claus
Happy Christmas and all that. yup, i've been told by my wifey that i am a bit of a humbug.
i very much appreciate that Christmas represents the birth of Christ.
and i even don't mind giving and receiving gifts.
it's just about everything else that surrounds this...season that i can gladly set on fire.
and please don't let it offend or behoove you that i'm not a big fan of plastic santas on the lawn or strings of twinkly lights arranged in haphazard fashion in the front yard.
but when i get "checked" or shoved really hard by a woman trying to get to the next register that just opened up, i'm gettin the feeling that those merry songs and decorations just aren't getting her into the so called"spirit of the season".
so iv'e come up with some non-violent ways that i can spread the love during this happy loving and glowing time of year:
1) when parking at your favorite mall or shopping center, remember, while walking back to your car, go down the opposite aisle that your car is actually parked in. this leads to much fun and hilarity to the person who has been stalking you in their car and waiting for your spot. they may even honk at you to let you know, "ha' good one!"
2) while shopping pick up a random item and proclaim, "wow, i can't believe this is the last one!!" and then place the item down and walk away.. little johnny may not really have asked for that soap dispenser but when his parents tell him that they had to buy it or else somebody else would get it, he'll understand.
3) give away dead animals at Christmas parties. i've never done this. but i've seen it happen. and there was much laughter and merriment.
4) cardboard. lots of cardboard.
5) blame everything on it being Christmas. i.e. why did your dog eat my cat? answer. it's Christmas. and leave it at that. do this for every little thing.
well, that's all. mind you i really only do the parking lot thing and blame everything bad or good on it being Christmas, but you know how i like to make lists.
well, enjoy your stinkin holidays everybody.
p.s. there is no santa claus
