Lightsabers and Lollipops

i blame facebook.

finally got around to seeing G.I. Joe.

i got what i wanted out of it.

sure i had some criticisms about what was changed, but i don't know what people are expecting about a movie based on Hasbro toys.

i did wonder how many times they were going to work in "knowing is half the battle."

EPIC FAIL.

i would like to give a big thumbs up to those who made the now overused term "FAIL" vastly popular. and whoever thought to add the adjective "EPIC", well, good job to you too.

these words have always spoken to me. possibly because i've done it so often. some of my best website entries are based on my epic failures.

here's a story and picture of some other guy's sad misunderstanding.

nick, ginger, andrew and i put our heads together and decided we wanted a comic book artist to draw the following:

we wanted a drawing of me (Spacey) dressed as any G.I. Joe character fighting Oprah (any size he wished) dressed as the Baroness withe the title G.I. Joe: the Rise of Oprah.

the first artist i went to thought it was a great idea!

he said.. 80 bucks.

i said... no.

the next guy said well, i have to work at home to do it right. oh. and that will be 50 bucks.

i said. oh. aaaaaaand no.

the next guy i went to heard every word i said. he even took a picture of me on his phone so he could get the face right.

well, for 5 bucks, here's what i got instead.






once again.

EPIC FAIL.

went and saw the movie District 9 and found out how Africa would handle an alien invasion.

the answer: badly.

This is a depiction of my friend Hannah (hopefully you recognize her as Batgirl) seeking swift justice on Spacey for his crimes.

Space swears he thought that Groo book on the Kevin Smith table was free swag. saying he was sorry didn't seem to be enough.

the guy who drew it thought i didn't know her when i said i wanted her in the picture.
that would have been funny. but it... wasn't?

eat your vegetables, kids.

DON'T YOU JUDGE ME!!!

WARNING:
The following images may be unsuitable for small children and soccer moms with no lives.

two years ago i went to Wizard World and took a picture with some chicks who were representing a website called "Suicide Girls."

( i can't find the pics, they are saved on a disc somewhere. i hope.)

long story short, they hated me. it may have had something to do with my Oprah balloon. maybe i just say dumb things around the opposite sex that are misunderstood.
the phrase, "we're secret agents" comes to mind.

well, this year, the Suicide girls were there again. representin'.

i was going to show nick and andrew how much they hated me by showing up at their booth and asking for a picture to see what would happen.

so here's how the pic went. andrew snapped it fast in case something went horribly wrong and we needed to make a fast escape.

after looking at this pic, i'm glad they weren't happy with just standing around and not even looking at the camera.




i think they had strength in numbers. maybe they were tired of fat smelly guys just taking a picture from afar and running away. but let's just say, they wanted to play. ...and i'm a good sport.
as you can see, this girl thought it would be great fun to get a piggyback ride from your ole pal Spacey. (who hasn't lifted anything heavier than a 2 liter lately, but she didn't know that.)

i was just hoping to not drop the poor girl. it seemed like i was scoring points to paint over the previous years of hate that i felt before.




but! that's not all. here's where i'm thinking i'm going to drop the ball and say something extremely stupid and the whole thing goes down the crapper.

but the show goes on. they started shooting out ideas faster than i could react. (remember. i'm trying to say as little as possible in order to keep history from repeating itself.)
it all went very fast, but i think the idea was that the small girl was supposed to get on my back and then... i was supposed to get on the tall girls back and make what hannah wanted to call a "Suicide Spacey Sandwich" or "The Triple S"

but there was a miscommunication and we only ended up as an open faced Spacey Sandwich. let's face it. i'm well over 200 lbs. the last thing i needed was to break some girls back in the middle of the nerd fest called Wizard World.

i hadn't even bought any merchandise yet.






but as you can see, a good time was had by all. i hope they had this much fun with all the nerds who approached them for a photo opportunity.
they probably picked up a few stalkers as well.
a job hazard for a Suicide Girl i suppose.


as for me, i thanked them for some ultra fun pictures and went on about life in general.
went home to my wife. told her my stories. she rolled her eyes. then we went to the circus.

fun day.



P.S. dana translated soccer moms with no lives as "legalistic women that create drama where there should be none"

so there.


Don't you judge me!