Lightsabers and Lollipops

how do you make God laugh?

i was having a pretty good day today.
...up to a point.

i was getting my work done without any major problems and way ahead of schedule.
i even got to drive by a different restaurant that i miss eating at cuz i am haven't passed by it at lunchtime. they give you like an endless bag of fries with your order. so i went in and confidently ordered a gyro special with no onions. (wifey's hanging out with her friends tonight so i knew for sure we weren't makin' out. safe to eat a gyro.)
but as i reach into my pocket i find that i only have 4 dollars. not enough to pay for my delicious meal. this disheartens me. on my person, i was supposed to have 9 dollars. i told the guy to hold on, i was missing 5 dollars. i check in the truck to see if it fell outta my pocket. no dice. i was pretty sure the wad of cash i had was folded a certain way in my pocket as not to fall out. sigh.
so i backtracked my cashflow from that morning until feedin time.
it wasn't hard. easy math even for me. i started the day with a 10 dollar bill. i stopped at a gas station and bought a pop for 1 dollar American.
and that's where i think i went wrong. i just folded the money that the gas station clerk gave to me into my pocket. i think she pulled the ole " took a ten and thought it was a five" trick. i am pretty sure her register was five dollars over at the end of her shift. or she made herself 5 dollars richer. bugger.
or else, i made some little punk very lucky who happened to be looking down and catch a five spot on the ground and he goes and buys drugs and candy with it. sad.
either way, i just spent 6 bucks on a soda. dang.
so back to the gyro joint. i come back into the store and tell the guy i have to cancel the order cuz i lost 5 bucks in between there and the gas station. this was as he was placing the finished order into the bag cuz he thought i was just running out to the truck to "get" my money. i was feeling down and mad about the whole thing and therefore, my decision making process (which is not that stellar in the first place) gets very muddled and slowed down to a snail's pace.
someone smart would have made a deal to give the merchant of greasy food an offer of 4 dollars for what he has made already. who knows? he probably had to throw the food away anyway. 4 dollars looks better in the register than nothing. or, i could have whipped out the bank card and payed with plastic. my wifey hates it, i mean HATES IT, when i use the card for 5 dollar lunch purchases or anything piddly like that. so i'm guessing that is why that solution didn't spring up so fast in my mind.
so i exited the store saving all the foul language and punching the air for inside my truck as i drove away.
i ended up driving to a circle K and only buying a bag of chips. not a good substitute for drippy lamb meat sammich.
i really don't get depressed that often or about much. but this little thing just brought me down hard. i was dragging my feet at my next couple stops. anyone who saw me would say i had an invisible weight bearing down on my shoulders.
i was like a defeated Charlie Brown, sad music and all.
you gotta understand here, losing 5 bucks took a chunk out of my already depleted budget for this week.
don't feel too sorry for me (i know you don't) the reason why my food budget was so thin was i HAD to buy Iron Man on DVD this week. so there.
but here's where the story picks up. i got done with work early today so i went to the recycling place to trade in some metal for cash.
don't ask me where i got it or why i got it, just know that i been meaning to recycle it. you don't know nothing about the business. nu-thing.
the odd thing was, the total for my return was... 5 dollars.
if anyone mentions karma i'm gonna give em a paper cut to the eyelid.
i'm not much of a karma guy. i find it funny on earl. but i prefer to think of it as checks and balances. no biggie.
so with my 5 dollars American in hand i drove straight to the nearest gyro place and ordered myself a gyro special with no onions. i walked outta that restaurant with a big cheesy smile on my face and headed home.
got home. kicked off the shoes. poured myself a glass of Pepsi with a kick of Lemon. i dig lemon flavored Pepsi for some reason. popped in season 3 of My Name Is Earl and ate my tasty lamb's meat on a pita slathered in sauce.
you would figure after all this trouble, it would have been the best tasting sammich i have had in a long while. but lo and behold, it wasn't that great.
they even forgot to forget the onions. but i had been through too much today to get to that point. so i just picked em off.
i hope this is the last time you ever have to read a story this long about someone losing a five dollar bill.




THERE'S THE FLAVOR!!!!