Lightsabers and Lollipops

friends, lemme tall ya about a new (old) miracle in my life called "Audio Books."
up to this point i've always considered them cheating just a little bit. they were great for car trips to Colorado or seminars that were too boring for me to read.
plus, allow me to get somewhat judgmental here, working in a bookstore the customers that bought audiobooks were usually those who i'm pretty sure couldn't read (they seemed unedjumacated, remember i'm being judgmental here) and the elderly who sadly can't see enough to see the print anymore. (which i think stinks, cuz i've already previously stated that you should get prizes and superpowers for getting older.)
anyway, i better stop before you start throwing rotten vegetables at the stage.
"Don't you judge me, Earl."
but here's the part where i turned over a new leaf.
let's just state the sad fact that i, Spacey, am a slow reader.
i've never been accused at being fast at anything but eating. no, not even that you people with dirty little minds. you know who you are.
it's always been frustrating wanting to read every stinkin book i get my hands on but taking like 2 weeks or more to get through one novel.
what's even more frustrating is being married to a woman who can read a book overnight or faster. it got to the point where i would give wifey a book i was semi-interested in and have her read it and tell me if it was worth my time.
but lately i haven't even been able to focus on books i really do want to read. i can't get comfy reading sitting down cuz of my height so i end up lounging or even laying down. i would get through 2 pages and find myself unconscious with my face on the open pages.
now i have been reading a lot of comic books lately. with the superhero movie boom it kind of pays to be a nerd lately. but here' where i had a rude awakening. there was an older lady who was buying books at my store (imagine that) and she and i got into a jovial conversation about always wanting to read more than we had time for. and she asked me politely what books i read. not being a person who knows when to lie i told her that i have been mainly reading comics. you would have thought a glass wall just lowered in between us. she took a slight step back and like that, the conversation was over with the killing word coming out of her mouth being just a slight, "oh."
she paid for her books and gave the impression that she was walking away slowly from a special needs person with violent tendencies who forgot to wear his helmet that day.
i usually don't let people get to me, but that just hurt.
but it was a good kick in the face that made me want to continue to sharpen my mind. lately, i could feel my brain starting to atrophy. and that's bad. i've always a got a book, or two or three with a bookmark in them. but i haven't been picking them up every night. usually, in the summer i'm so beat from my real job that i just collapse and watch mindless movies, some i've even seen before cuz i don't even wanna focus. that ain't gonna kill me, but overdosing on that will definitely kill my poor lil bwain. (it's workin already!) of course, working outside in the sun all day and breathing pool chemicals and drinking the water that comes out of the faucet in the town i live in can all be blamed for me getting dumberer.
so that brings us back to why i have discovered that audio books are what i need to survive.
i'm in my truck several hours of the workday, i'm pretty sure i can legally recieve my mail there. and i don't know why it took so long to dawn on me that i could have been using that time to have someone read to me. i've listened to several Star Wars books (shut up! i like Star Wars! don't you judge me!) some Neil Gaiman, Max Brooks, Frank Peretti and the DaVinci Code.
(i understand now why the religious people went so nuts about it, i wasn't too impressed. it took 16 hours for someone else to read it to me. it would have taken me forever. i'm with Donita, don't believe the hype.)
i just finished an awesome book that was right up my alley, called "Soon I will Be Invincible" by Austin Grossman. i highly recommend it to anyone who has ever been into superhero lore.
it humanizes the characters. plus it made me laugh out loud a couple of times.

which made me realize an idea for a good tangent that i was gonna write as a stand alone entry:
if i was in the comic book world i would hate to be a cyborg. here's the part that would bite; like say 50% or so of your body is robotic and especially computerized. now look at the computer you have right now. how often does a program, operating system or general piece of hardware become obsolete? i know every time i wanna do something new with my computer that i have to buy at least three new components from three different places, often somehow involving a return or exchange. now imagine that's part of your body. sure, your left arm may shoot sonic waves and your right leg becomes a machine gun. but what happens when they no longer make your particular brand of ammo or speaker system? worse yet, what happens when they no longer sell the kind of adapter for your charger? (i thought about this part when i got a new cell phone. and how nobody i know can share a car charger. making everything a different size and shape is brilliant and evil.)
so yeah, i think being a cyborg would suck. especially when the warranty runs out.

aaaand we're back. i think one of the best things to come out of the audio book experience is that it keeps me from talking to myself while driving. mostly.
i really need to stop doing that, people already think i'm psycho cuz i like to read magazine sized books with colorful illustrations in them. it's where i learn all my big words.

support your local library, kids.










and what is trans fat?