Lightsabers and Lollipops

Spacey/Dinglenoose: The Showdown?

had a strange encounter early this morning.
at 6 a.m. i was leaving for work, as i open my door leading to my garage i see something i'm not expecting.
a brown mouse standing directly in my path looking straight up at me.
i closed the door so when i moved he wouldn't dart into the house.
his lack of movement made me cautious.
i stood in front of him for a good 30 seconds considering my options.
questions ran through my head like:
1) did they send a messenger to strike a deal? a truce? a surrender? my surrender?

2) is this a trap?

3) is he already speaking to me but i don't understand his crazy mouse language and this is frustrating for both of us?

4) will this end or escalate the war between me and Dinglenoose?

5) did i remember to put on deodorant today?

so i assess more of the situation.
i look around, i see that one of the three mouse traps that i set has been sprung, but there is no mouse in it. so i assume the obvious that he was trying to lick the trap clean of peanut butter (like he or his brothers had done before, which i found disturbing) and he got hurt but not killed by the tricky contraption.
i was weighing the options of killing him or letting him go.

A) i kill him. that's one less mouse in the ranks and perhaps even the leader taken out of action. yay Spacey.

B) i let him go. showing mercy and perhaps even getting on the good side and living in harmony with the lil monsters.

i weighed my options carefully and like a true American i went with option A.
kill em all.

i gave some thought to stepping on him. but my shoes are wearing out and i really didn't want to feel the mouse crunch under my foot. plus i could see that ending all kinds of bad ways. one of them being that he revived and ran up my pant leg and reaping all sorts of havoc. makes me think of Admiral Ackbar yelling, "It's a trap!"

so i reached for the closest thing that was broad and flat. he only turned slightly to see me move sideways. and SLAM! i bring it down hard right on top of him.
...but not hard enough.
i did not kill him.
i only broke him.

here's where it gets weird.
the evil side of me emerges.
i considered just letting him writhe in agony until he stopped being alive.
the best he could do at this point was do a little roll/twist and move a couple inches.

my next move was to sweep him outside with a broom and let nature take it's course.
i was running outta time here. i mean, i was on my way to work if you recall.
so the dying mouse is outside.
it's dark. it's raining. it's a morbid scene.
as i run back inside to get something and come back out i notice that he has roll/twisted about a foot back towards the garage.
and a thought occurs to me: if he survives miraculously or even tells his friend with his dying breath what happened to him and who to blame. there could be some serious retaliation.
don't think i'm not gonna sleep without the lights on tonight.

so in my last horrible act i kick him under my tire and run him over with my truck.
you could say it was a mercy killing, but i think at that point i was just going for overkill.
insult to injury.
a finality.

so.
we will see what repurcussions this has in Dinglenoose's crusade against my sanity.

and let this be a lesson to the rest of you who go try and touch my stuff.

i'll drop somethin heavy on you and run you over.



on a lighter note:
really big praying mantis's have the common courtesy to at least the ring the doorbell if they want in. the rodents could learn a thing or two from these endangered bugs.



word?

word.