Sunday, November 26, 2006
Ultimate X-Men #65.
Colossus admits to being gay.
and my world shatters.
lemme explain a few things to go with this rant.
with the rise of Comic Book movies actually being box office blockbusters and not "straight to video" garbage the comics that they are based on rose in popularity for those who were not especially interested in that genre.
that was a long sentence.
but kids and adults were having trouble jumping into confusing storylines that have been going on for over 30 years.
so the comic book companies decided to erase the chalkboard and start over again.
so Marvel comics came up with the Ultimate storyline.
where a 15 year old Peter Parker gets bit by a radioactive spider in the year 2000 and not 1962. he doesn't have any spider-clones to worry about, and hopefully not ever. he has to deal with high skool probs and face villians for the first time as opposed to fighting them for the 191st time. and almost anybody with half a brain figures out his real identity.
where the X-Men are formed for the first time. they haven't survived through 10 presidencies and are still in their 20's. it's very similar to the movie and that's the draw to newer, less nerdier audiences. for instance, no "Seige Perilous."
they also revamped the fantastic four and the avengers, for those who care.
but, yes, a fresh start. they kept some things the same, like Professor X was still bald and magneto could still kill you with a box of paper clips.
but what kept me glued was the drastic changes they made. some for the better, not too many for the worse. and they could feel free to kill characters if they chose.
like somehow nick fury turned into samuel l. jackson. or the fantastic four got their powers by an experiment with negative space gone wrong, as compared to stealing a spaceship and flying through a cosmic storm. (i know, neither is believable, shut up. it's sci-fi) or that storm falls in love with beast, and then he turns blue ...and dies.
there were lots of little things that they made different. but the changes that they made to my favorite X-Man didn't hurt until i recently read it in back issues.
COLUSSUS
in the not-so-ultimate comic storyline, Colossus is a Russian farmboy named Piotr Rasputin. He was the strong guy on the team with a big heart and the skills of an artist. he had a thing for Kitty Pryde, and had an illegitamate child ruunin loose in the savage land. he even died. for awhile, i thought it was gonna be permanent. nobody truly dies in the comic book universe. so in true form, Joss Whedon wrote hime back in to the X-Men world. his sister, still dead.
then comes the Ultimate X-men storyline. the differences, kind of subtle.
he's still a former Russian farmboy. but he somehow got inducted into the Russian mafia. happens all the time. then he joins the X-Men. cut and dry, guy who turns into metal. fights bad guys. sometimes slams a car on top of them.
then, (sigh) other comic book nerds start telling me that he's gay. i don't really wanna believe this. when brian michael bendis and mark millar were writing it they didn't really delve into the matter.
and then brian k. vaughan comes along. and bam! gay. all of a sudden, he's complimenting people's pants and blushing when he's around Northstar.
Northstar, a Canadian named Jean -Paul Baubeir, is a known homo sexual in both the ultimate and not-so-ultimate universe. which i didn't really blink at. fine! have all the gay Canadian super heroes you want! feel free to deal with these issues in your... issues! but why couldn't you leave my favorite steel Russian outta this?!?
(yeah i know steel Russian sounds like a drink, and maybe it should be)
you can kill him and bring him back all the live long day. but make him a queer, and he's dead to me.
um, i still want this statue. this one was to commemerate the death of the totally-not-gay Colossus. the one that doesn't go to homecoming with Northstar.
i think i'm all done complaining about this today. but i will probably never stop being mad and sad about it.
and don't touch that. you don't know where it's been.
Colossus admits to being gay.
and my world shatters.
lemme explain a few things to go with this rant.
with the rise of Comic Book movies actually being box office blockbusters and not "straight to video" garbage the comics that they are based on rose in popularity for those who were not especially interested in that genre.
that was a long sentence.
but kids and adults were having trouble jumping into confusing storylines that have been going on for over 30 years.
so the comic book companies decided to erase the chalkboard and start over again.
so Marvel comics came up with the Ultimate storyline.
where a 15 year old Peter Parker gets bit by a radioactive spider in the year 2000 and not 1962. he doesn't have any spider-clones to worry about, and hopefully not ever. he has to deal with high skool probs and face villians for the first time as opposed to fighting them for the 191st time. and almost anybody with half a brain figures out his real identity.
where the X-Men are formed for the first time. they haven't survived through 10 presidencies and are still in their 20's. it's very similar to the movie and that's the draw to newer, less nerdier audiences. for instance, no "Seige Perilous."
they also revamped the fantastic four and the avengers, for those who care.
but, yes, a fresh start. they kept some things the same, like Professor X was still bald and magneto could still kill you with a box of paper clips.
but what kept me glued was the drastic changes they made. some for the better, not too many for the worse. and they could feel free to kill characters if they chose.
like somehow nick fury turned into samuel l. jackson. or the fantastic four got their powers by an experiment with negative space gone wrong, as compared to stealing a spaceship and flying through a cosmic storm. (i know, neither is believable, shut up. it's sci-fi) or that storm falls in love with beast, and then he turns blue ...and dies.
there were lots of little things that they made different. but the changes that they made to my favorite X-Man didn't hurt until i recently read it in back issues.
COLUSSUS
in the not-so-ultimate comic storyline, Colossus is a Russian farmboy named Piotr Rasputin. He was the strong guy on the team with a big heart and the skills of an artist. he had a thing for Kitty Pryde, and had an illegitamate child ruunin loose in the savage land. he even died. for awhile, i thought it was gonna be permanent. nobody truly dies in the comic book universe. so in true form, Joss Whedon wrote hime back in to the X-Men world. his sister, still dead.
then comes the Ultimate X-men storyline. the differences, kind of subtle.
he's still a former Russian farmboy. but he somehow got inducted into the Russian mafia. happens all the time. then he joins the X-Men. cut and dry, guy who turns into metal. fights bad guys. sometimes slams a car on top of them.
then, (sigh) other comic book nerds start telling me that he's gay. i don't really wanna believe this. when brian michael bendis and mark millar were writing it they didn't really delve into the matter.
and then brian k. vaughan comes along. and bam! gay. all of a sudden, he's complimenting people's pants and blushing when he's around Northstar.
Northstar, a Canadian named Jean -Paul Baubeir, is a known homo sexual in both the ultimate and not-so-ultimate universe. which i didn't really blink at. fine! have all the gay Canadian super heroes you want! feel free to deal with these issues in your... issues! but why couldn't you leave my favorite steel Russian outta this?!?
(yeah i know steel Russian sounds like a drink, and maybe it should be)
you can kill him and bring him back all the live long day. but make him a queer, and he's dead to me.
um, i still want this statue. this one was to commemerate the death of the totally-not-gay Colossus. the one that doesn't go to homecoming with Northstar.
i think i'm all done complaining about this today. but i will probably never stop being mad and sad about it.
and don't touch that. you don't know where it's been.
