Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Dinglenoose thinks smaller.
if you don't know who Dinglenoose is please refer to the archives.
funny stories.
to recap shortly, he is the demon who has been assigned to me by satan himself to make my life miserable.
his favorite method is sacrificing mice in strange places in order to make me almost regurgitate violently.
he already played his usual trick with a deceased mouse in my garage this month.
maggots were involved.
gross.
but today he sunk lower.
i swear he has been behind recent attacks on me by small winged creatures of all kinds.
i was driven all crazy-like by a fly that wouldn't stop landing on the SAME SPOT on the back of my leg constantly! it's like there was a little teeny steak dinner for flies on that very inch of my calf. it made me want to kill.
alot.
then there's this one pool that i clean that i swear has a family of horseflies that plan my very downfall. every week i'm there a different size fly with fangs buzzes and lands on my precious skin.
darn you Dinglenoose.
so.
this morning at my second stop the lady gave me a root beer. i thought it would hit the spot, but well, it missed.
i accidentally spilled the last half of the can on one of the buckets in the back of my truck.
no biggie.
by my third stop my pool was in a construction zone. when i got back to my vehicle there were about 20 yellowjackets swarming around the back of my truckaround the sticky pop spill.
so, like the Germans love David Hasselhoff, yellowjacket wasps love A&W root beer.
i couldn't get em outta there.
so i toss my equipment in the truck.
i must have looked like an idiot cuz i was literally throwing my stuff in there and then running backwards waving my arms to thwart off would be winged attackers.
the only chemical i had to ward them off was chlorine, but that was the bucket they were congregating on!
d'oh!
it took me 2 more stops to get rid of them.
i was like a wasp delivery service.
at the next stop they even followed me to the pool.
again, i looked like a fool to anyone who didn't know i was fighting off mini black and yellow demons.
i would have laughed if i wasn't me.
somehow. i didn't get stung! if it was my wife, she would have so gotten it.
she's allergic to the little buggers.
darn you Dinglenoose. i will be glad when they lock you back in hell. forever.
well, my point is: never let internet nerds promote your movie if it's gonna be rated "R"
p.s.
come to think of it, i've never proven that all those times i've been bitten by a bug in public, it wasn't some crazy people with a BB gun laughing hysterically while shooting from an undisclosed location. hmmmm.
if you don't know who Dinglenoose is please refer to the archives.
funny stories.
to recap shortly, he is the demon who has been assigned to me by satan himself to make my life miserable.
his favorite method is sacrificing mice in strange places in order to make me almost regurgitate violently.
he already played his usual trick with a deceased mouse in my garage this month.
maggots were involved.
gross.
but today he sunk lower.
i swear he has been behind recent attacks on me by small winged creatures of all kinds.
i was driven all crazy-like by a fly that wouldn't stop landing on the SAME SPOT on the back of my leg constantly! it's like there was a little teeny steak dinner for flies on that very inch of my calf. it made me want to kill.
alot.
then there's this one pool that i clean that i swear has a family of horseflies that plan my very downfall. every week i'm there a different size fly with fangs buzzes and lands on my precious skin.
darn you Dinglenoose.
so.
this morning at my second stop the lady gave me a root beer. i thought it would hit the spot, but well, it missed.
i accidentally spilled the last half of the can on one of the buckets in the back of my truck.
no biggie.
by my third stop my pool was in a construction zone. when i got back to my vehicle there were about 20 yellowjackets swarming around the back of my truckaround the sticky pop spill.
so, like the Germans love David Hasselhoff, yellowjacket wasps love A&W root beer.
i couldn't get em outta there.
so i toss my equipment in the truck.
i must have looked like an idiot cuz i was literally throwing my stuff in there and then running backwards waving my arms to thwart off would be winged attackers.
the only chemical i had to ward them off was chlorine, but that was the bucket they were congregating on!
d'oh!
it took me 2 more stops to get rid of them.
i was like a wasp delivery service.
at the next stop they even followed me to the pool.
again, i looked like a fool to anyone who didn't know i was fighting off mini black and yellow demons.
i would have laughed if i wasn't me.
somehow. i didn't get stung! if it was my wife, she would have so gotten it.
she's allergic to the little buggers.
darn you Dinglenoose. i will be glad when they lock you back in hell. forever.
well, my point is: never let internet nerds promote your movie if it's gonna be rated "R"
p.s.
come to think of it, i've never proven that all those times i've been bitten by a bug in public, it wasn't some crazy people with a BB gun laughing hysterically while shooting from an undisclosed location. hmmmm.
Monday, August 28, 2006
there's a tragic story behind this picture...
until the 7th year of my life my family lived in a lil bitty house within which my sister and i had to share a bunk bed in our room.
the mickey toy you see above did indeed, once have a head. i believe if you squeezed it or moved it's legs the arms would hug or something. i loved the thing. it was a prized possession.
so i mentioned the bunk bed. it also doubled as a jungle gym.
we would pile every blanket and pillow on the floor as a target. and of course, we would jump from the top bunk onto the landing zone.
well, if you haven't guessed already, poor ole mickey was wrapped up in the blanket i slept in the night before.
as my sister took the first jump, she landed and heard a pretty loud "crunch."
so that was it for mickey. he'd squeaked his last squeak.
although it was an accident, it took me a long time to forgive her.
i think it might have been last week.
and now: a side story about the bunk bed.
could have been tragic. glad it wasn't.
my sister and i played Supermanfrom time to time.
unfortunately, being the younger brother, i got to be Krypto the dog wonder.
sigh.
one day she was trying to make me fly.
she decided to use the blanket that we used for capes to hang me from the top of the bunk bed.
...by my neck.
i wasn't flying. i was being executed.
luckily my mom walked in as i was turning blue.
looking back, it's amazing how many times in my life i've almost died.
and shocking how many times it would have been my sister who would have killed me.
hmm.
until the 7th year of my life my family lived in a lil bitty house within which my sister and i had to share a bunk bed in our room.
the mickey toy you see above did indeed, once have a head. i believe if you squeezed it or moved it's legs the arms would hug or something. i loved the thing. it was a prized possession.
so i mentioned the bunk bed. it also doubled as a jungle gym.
we would pile every blanket and pillow on the floor as a target. and of course, we would jump from the top bunk onto the landing zone.
well, if you haven't guessed already, poor ole mickey was wrapped up in the blanket i slept in the night before.
as my sister took the first jump, she landed and heard a pretty loud "crunch."
so that was it for mickey. he'd squeaked his last squeak.
although it was an accident, it took me a long time to forgive her.
i think it might have been last week.
and now: a side story about the bunk bed.
could have been tragic. glad it wasn't.
my sister and i played Supermanfrom time to time.
unfortunately, being the younger brother, i got to be Krypto the dog wonder.
sigh.
one day she was trying to make me fly.
she decided to use the blanket that we used for capes to hang me from the top of the bunk bed.
...by my neck.
i wasn't flying. i was being executed.
luckily my mom walked in as i was turning blue.
looking back, it's amazing how many times in my life i've almost died.
and shocking how many times it would have been my sister who would have killed me.
hmm.
Saturday, August 26, 2006
someone in a club tonight has stolen my ideas.
Friday, August 25, 2006
um, no.
the government is not using satellite's to eavesdrop on you with your unused cell phones while you drive.
um, er, the russians are.
yeah, the russians. that's it.
gotta go!
...and never trust anyone over 30!
the government is not using satellite's to eavesdrop on you with your unused cell phones while you drive.
um, er, the russians are.
yeah, the russians. that's it.
gotta go!
...and never trust anyone over 30!
KLF is gonna rock you!
Thursday, August 24, 2006
i would never stop laughing.
i hope they have this scene in the movie.
i hated spike so much. (shaking fist)
the kid wore rubber work boots everywhere!!!
i very much dislike when cartoons never change their clothes.
that's just gross, wrong and lazy.
there, i said it.
don't touch my stuff.
i hope they have this scene in the movie.
i hated spike so much. (shaking fist)
the kid wore rubber work boots everywhere!!!
i very much dislike when cartoons never change their clothes.
that's just gross, wrong and lazy.
there, i said it.
don't touch my stuff.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
my wife says i lost the lottery when it comes to 'birthday' days.
she's right.
she's right.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
well, i finally did it.
i just about put a hole through the inside of my nose with my pinky nail.
i knew picking my nose at 45 miles per hour plus was gonna catch up with me.
it hurt so bad.
blood and whatever else makes up the inside of my nose flowed.
still didn't get it completely booger free though.
so just be careful out there all you nose pickin drivers.
you know who you are.
it could happen to you.
so there.
i just about put a hole through the inside of my nose with my pinky nail.
i knew picking my nose at 45 miles per hour plus was gonna catch up with me.
it hurt so bad.
blood and whatever else makes up the inside of my nose flowed.
still didn't get it completely booger free though.
so just be careful out there all you nose pickin drivers.
you know who you are.
it could happen to you.
so there.
Friday, August 18, 2006
sporks.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
(cough) RIPOFF! (cough)
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
man.
UNRATED just doesn't mean what it used to anymore.
so from now on, spacemanrocks.com will be be UNRATED.
i dare you to tell the difference.
UNRATED just doesn't mean what it used to anymore.
so from now on, spacemanrocks.com will be be UNRATED.
i dare you to tell the difference.
i have found out the hard way that i should never really try to answer a question that is asked about my website.
for instance, i tell somebody, "go to spacemanrocks.com!"
(and i do all the time, i admit openly that i shamelessly plug this site every chance i get. so nyeh)
and then they ask, "well, what's on your site?"
and then, sigh, i actually try to decribe it...
here's the best example:
i was in line for taco bell at CIY. after signing this one girls book without permission, i told her she should go to that site, cuz it rocks.
she was genuine when she said, "sure, i'll check out your site. what's on it?"
(this is the part when i should have used beth's answer: anything and everythingand then shut up.)
i answered, " well, it's um, it's kind of a blog, but it's not run like a typical blog like 'i broke up with sally today, i'm really tired and i'm i hate life etc.' i just run it from blogger cuz it's easy. but i write random things like, 'it's only a matter of time before the spiders realize they outnumber us.' and er, stuff like that."
yes, at that point it was all over. there was no reason for me to talk anymore, i had gone from zero to psycho in about 3 seconds flat. while the Jew may be a big fan of the spider line, it doesn't translate well in every day conversation. you walk up to a girl and start quoting this site and you become stalker material. the restraining order is about three more sentences away if you don't shut your mouth and move away towards the nearest exit.
now here was the problem in the aforementioned situation:
we were still in line for taco bell.
i tell you, the fact that we were 2 to 3 feet apart did not compare to how far apart we wanted to be in our minds. but i ain't gettin outta line for my daily taco bell for nobody. ya hear me, i ain't goin no-where.
so the moral of the story is, that Spacey is a luvable, huggable, safe lil guy. but my humor translates better in writing on this silly ole dot com that i present to you.
so please, don't go up to people that you are trying to impress and mention spider conspiracies, clowns in slavery or even cheerleader ninjas unless all the exits are clearly marked.
oh, and never mention you're a secret agent. unless you are one. but then, if you are one it's probably not in your best interests to tell people that you are a secret agent. so, um...
LOOK A VAMPIRE!
(poof)
for instance, i tell somebody, "go to spacemanrocks.com!"
(and i do all the time, i admit openly that i shamelessly plug this site every chance i get. so nyeh)
and then they ask, "well, what's on your site?"
and then, sigh, i actually try to decribe it...
here's the best example:
i was in line for taco bell at CIY. after signing this one girls book without permission, i told her she should go to that site, cuz it rocks.
she was genuine when she said, "sure, i'll check out your site. what's on it?"
(this is the part when i should have used beth's answer: anything and everythingand then shut up.)
i answered, " well, it's um, it's kind of a blog, but it's not run like a typical blog like 'i broke up with sally today, i'm really tired and i'm i hate life etc.' i just run it from blogger cuz it's easy. but i write random things like, 'it's only a matter of time before the spiders realize they outnumber us.' and er, stuff like that."
yes, at that point it was all over. there was no reason for me to talk anymore, i had gone from zero to psycho in about 3 seconds flat. while the Jew may be a big fan of the spider line, it doesn't translate well in every day conversation. you walk up to a girl and start quoting this site and you become stalker material. the restraining order is about three more sentences away if you don't shut your mouth and move away towards the nearest exit.
now here was the problem in the aforementioned situation:
we were still in line for taco bell.
i tell you, the fact that we were 2 to 3 feet apart did not compare to how far apart we wanted to be in our minds. but i ain't gettin outta line for my daily taco bell for nobody. ya hear me, i ain't goin no-where.
so the moral of the story is, that Spacey is a luvable, huggable, safe lil guy. but my humor translates better in writing on this silly ole dot com that i present to you.
so please, don't go up to people that you are trying to impress and mention spider conspiracies, clowns in slavery or even cheerleader ninjas unless all the exits are clearly marked.
oh, and never mention you're a secret agent. unless you are one. but then, if you are one it's probably not in your best interests to tell people that you are a secret agent. so, um...
LOOK A VAMPIRE!
(poof)
Sunday, August 13, 2006
and then it turned out that diaper rash medicine was the best thing for it.
who knew?
who knew?
Saturday, August 12, 2006
um?
i bet FunNoodles are on clearance now...
Friday, August 11, 2006
even Superpimps love spacemanrocks.com
and so should you.
funny thing is, this comic is written by a skinny white guy.
there, i said it.
don't touch my stuff.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
what did i do to deserve this?
notice how the guy with the two lightsabers fits all the nerdy stereotypes.
glasses, mustache only and long curly pony tail. and i bet those are perscription pants (simpsons reference, snoogans).
his lightsabers did have lil bitty skulls on the bottom of the handles though, which made him an evil nerd. the second worst kind....
notice how the guy with the two lightsabers fits all the nerdy stereotypes.
glasses, mustache only and long curly pony tail. and i bet those are perscription pants (simpsons reference, snoogans).
his lightsabers did have lil bitty skulls on the bottom of the handles though, which made him an evil nerd. the second worst kind....
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
another lil work of art by Art.
more from comic con to come. i'm just out of ideas by the time i get home from workin outside in the stinkin heat. so there.
i need some jolt cola.
Sunday, August 06, 2006
COMICS!!!!!
comic con! yaaaaaay!
this is a pic of the Exclusive Mara Jade bust.
i really really really really really want one.
i will not be mine. oh yes, it won't be.
but a guy can dream desire and drool can't he?
until then, courage.
comic con! yaaaaaay!
this is a pic of the Exclusive Mara Jade bust.
i really really really really really want one.
i will not be mine. oh yes, it won't be.
but a guy can dream desire and drool can't he?
until then, courage.
Friday, August 04, 2006
as i'm driving, i see a lot of bumper stickers that are just plain fun.
today i saw one that said "ABOLISH SLAVERY" and in small letters that I had to catch up to see, it said "boycott the circus".
it wouldn't matter if I boycotted the circus because i've gone in about mmm, let's say, never?
but now I've never wanted to go more.
And who's in slavery anyway? is it the clowns?
incidentally, they were cubs fans.
i'm sure that matters to some and doesn't matter to others.
me? i like Star Wars and Taco Bell.
so nyeh.
today i saw one that said "ABOLISH SLAVERY" and in small letters that I had to catch up to see, it said "boycott the circus".
it wouldn't matter if I boycotted the circus because i've gone in about mmm, let's say, never?
but now I've never wanted to go more.
And who's in slavery anyway? is it the clowns?
incidentally, they were cubs fans.
i'm sure that matters to some and doesn't matter to others.
me? i like Star Wars and Taco Bell.
so nyeh.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
my mommy loves me.
my parents got to go to Ireland on someone else's dime. a company that makes pool chemicals made it happen. last year they went to Norway. it's good to be the king.
anywho, my mom gets confused on what to bring back her ever lovin son cuz he no likey the shirts that simply say the names of places. (although with age i'm starting to want to collect them more and more.) for instance, when they went to France i asked her to bring me back something that had Star Wars on it. she did well, she got me a set of game cards from the second movie all in french.
of course Dan, on the other hand, also loves me. not in a gay way. more like a Dante/Randall way. he goes to Ireland and gets me two Star wars figures from the red carded line with all sorts of languages on them. i was pleased. just cuz i tied a rope around him and Roundeye at their wedding. but he also gave me...
a Yorkie Bar.
the candy bar that states plainly on it's label that "IT'S NOT FOR GIRLS"
and it's a really tasty candy bar. but the ladies will never know...
so i sent my mommy on a mission. i asked her nicely if she could bring me back some Yorkie bars.
she did.
she even sent other people on the quest to get some. that's where the one in the middle came from. it's a honeycomb flavored one. it got a little squished but the love is still there.
the only other flavor she could find was raisin and biscuit. i ate one of those already. imagine either a Chunky bar. ...or a Wonka bar with raisins. so there.
and ladies, why is it not for girls?
well, that's none of your business.
besides being able to pee standing up and only having to shave our faces, we men need something to call our own. heck! i'm gonna go eat a double Texas Whopper and burp, fart and scratch stuff in public.
then i'm gonna crash cars on my Xbox. because i can.
drink pepsi.
my parents got to go to Ireland on someone else's dime. a company that makes pool chemicals made it happen. last year they went to Norway. it's good to be the king.
anywho, my mom gets confused on what to bring back her ever lovin son cuz he no likey the shirts that simply say the names of places. (although with age i'm starting to want to collect them more and more.) for instance, when they went to France i asked her to bring me back something that had Star Wars on it. she did well, she got me a set of game cards from the second movie all in french.
of course Dan, on the other hand, also loves me. not in a gay way. more like a Dante/Randall way. he goes to Ireland and gets me two Star wars figures from the red carded line with all sorts of languages on them. i was pleased. just cuz i tied a rope around him and Roundeye at their wedding. but he also gave me...
a Yorkie Bar.
the candy bar that states plainly on it's label that "IT'S NOT FOR GIRLS"
and it's a really tasty candy bar. but the ladies will never know...
so i sent my mommy on a mission. i asked her nicely if she could bring me back some Yorkie bars.
she did.
she even sent other people on the quest to get some. that's where the one in the middle came from. it's a honeycomb flavored one. it got a little squished but the love is still there.
the only other flavor she could find was raisin and biscuit. i ate one of those already. imagine either a Chunky bar. ...or a Wonka bar with raisins. so there.
and ladies, why is it not for girls?
well, that's none of your business.
besides being able to pee standing up and only having to shave our faces, we men need something to call our own. heck! i'm gonna go eat a double Texas Whopper and burp, fart and scratch stuff in public.
then i'm gonna crash cars on my Xbox. because i can.
drink pepsi.
phrases i can no longer say around my house according to my 4 year old daughter:
1) what the heck?
2) hate
3) stupid
4) poopnizzle (i'm pretty sure she just has a problem with the first part of that word. she's probably neutral about the term nizzle.)
5) semprini
these are all "potty" words. i get in trouble for saying these, and more, every day. and i thought i ran a pretty clean kids show.
goodnight everybody!
1) what the heck?
2) hate
3) stupid
4) poopnizzle (i'm pretty sure she just has a problem with the first part of that word. she's probably neutral about the term nizzle.)
5) semprini
these are all "potty" words. i get in trouble for saying these, and more, every day. and i thought i ran a pretty clean kids show.
goodnight everybody!
