Lightsabers and Lollipops

i've never gotten the hang of whispering.

i understand the idea of it, that's for sure. i never want people to overhear what i'm saying in hushed tones. probably cuz what i have to say is mean or spiteful.
when i try to whisper, at first it comes out as mumbling. i try to keep it not so intelligible so anyone else who may overhear won't be able to decipher.
this only annoys the person i'm intending to communicate to.
they have to continually ask, "what?"
thus, defeating the purpose. and after several attempts at keeping my voice low, i either give up my message, or speak normally and abandon the subterfuge.

today called for a lot of whispering.

it was the last seminar i had to go to today. and MY GOSH! it was boring.

pool heaters. we went to learn how to fix them. our teacher tried to inform us about the entire history of keeping pools warm. every little bitty detail was brought to surface today.

here's the sad thing. our host did not know how to use alternative words to describe the pieces parts.
here's an example:
the example term is, UNITHERM GOVERNOR.



this speaker must have used the word UNITHERM GOVERNOR two-hundred and sixty seven times! it's a fancy word for a particular "thermostat." but he only used that word once or twice. this training seminar had started at 7:30. it was supposed to end at 4 or 5. he was going page by page, and he was taking about 20 minutes per page. at this point he had 2 chapters to go, AND IT WAS THREE O CLOCK!
so i was getting a little stir crazy. well, very stir crazy.
so by the two-hundred and thirty eighth time he proclaimed UNITHERM GOVERNOR i turned around and whispered loudly to my co-workers that it would make a great drinking game to take a shot every time he uttered UNITHERM GOVERNOR.

now keep in mind, i don't drink. but i love the idea of drinking games. getting stupid because of something repetitive. my favorite example i could give right now would be if you are watching challenge of the superfriends, you would partake every time the announcer said, "meanwhile!" or "i've only got seconds to spare!"
i'm still trying to figure out an alternative substance to ingest. probably something sugar filled. so instead of getting drunk, i would just get chunky and toothless. lemme know what you think. i'm not about to become an alkie just because i wanna play a game right. ...moving on.

so the guys behind me picked up on it right away. please remember, i'm going all kinds of nutty bats right at this point. so anything remotely funny would have sent me into bouts of stifled laughter.

(matt, jordan. stickers, purse. funnier, worse. inside joke, keep moving.)

the best worst part about it was, THE GUY KEPT ON SAYING IT! UNITHERM GOVERNOR! UNITHERM GOVERNOR! UNITHERM GOVERNOR! UNITHERM GOVERNOR!

if it was the "word of the day" on pee-wee's playhouse, we would have gone deaf from all the clanging and yelling.

as it stood, my partners in crime kept saying stuff like, "oh!", "there he goes" and "drink!" i was burying my head in my hands and biting my hand to keep from laughing out loud. which only made it worse.cuz then all the sound came out my nose. it drew some stares. but even the guys in the row in front of us caught on. so we had about three rows cracking up anytime he refused to deviate from the term, UNITHERM GOVERNOR! if i was drinkin milk it would have shot outta my nose all over table, walls and free T-shirt that says, "training tour 2006." (no joke)

i was a wee bit embarrassed. and so beyond glad that we were able to actually ditch the rest of the class and head home. at the rate he was going, the class might still be going on. we don't even buy their product. we just went to learn how to fix it. which, um, i'm pretty sure we didn't walk away with that information.

well, that was my adventure for today. i hope tomorrow involves ninjas.


p.s. a side not to that story, he worked in the word "rectal thermometer" at one point while talking about water flow to try to throw us all off. no one stirred. i found out later that everybody did hear him say it, ...but they didn't think it was funny or want him to stop speaking so he can laugh at his own joke. sigh.