Tuesday, January 10, 2006
it's evil. IT'S DIABOLICAL! IT'S LEMON SCENTED!!!!
it's always bothered me that on Spongebob Squarepants things catch on fire... underwater! ahhhh well. it's just a cartoon.
anywhatsit. i promised you a story of a hellish date that i had in high skool.
here's how it begins:
this was my freshmen or soph year, can't remember. the girl in question, let's call her "donna" was a year older than me. she went to my church and high skool. her brother, let's call him "steve" was in my grade and sat behind me in biology.
word got around to me that it was in my best interests to "ask her out." so i did it the manly and most direct way. i sent her notes through her brother. a long, tedious process is probably the worst way to start a relationship. well, through much miscommunication we got a date set.
since i was a young lad i did not drive a whole lot. (kinda like matt. zing!) i arranged for my mom to drive me there to pick her up and escort us to the mall. then my friends from church would meet us after the movie at burger king. simple plan, right? well, we shall see...
i'm going to throw in another character that is pertinent to this story. let's call her "kay." kay was, to put it nicely, "not nice." every youth group has one, church related or otherwise. the kind of guy, or (most of the time) girl that makes you just not want to come back to an otherwise fun place. kinda sad that they only have fun making others miserable, but hey, circle of life.
well, she tried to throw a wrench in the plan. my mom drove me to donna's house. i got to the door, donna answers. she gives me this guilty look and asks if we can postpone our date. why? because kay called and she was babysitting some kids who wanted to see teenage mutant ninja turtles. i was just plain amazed and bewildered she was trying to snake her way out of it. and who was convincing her to do the snaking! well, somehow i convinced her to fulfill her commitment to at least see the date through. it had to do with our friends having to wait for us at the restaurant.
this was looooong before cel phones were an accerory on every teen in America.
so she reluctantly gets in the car and my mom chauffeurs us to the mall. ahhh, the mall. the place to be and waste time for teens in the 80's - 90's -ish. we purchased tickets to see the movie "joe vs. the volcano" starring pre-oscar winner, tom hanks.
we had about an hour to waste before the movie so we shopped in the mall in order to find a birthday present for, wouldn't ya know it?, kay. now this girl donna had made up her mind that she did not want to be with me before i even knocked on her door. so, let's put it this way, have you ever been in a situation with a person where EVERYTHING you do or don't do is wrong? well, that explains how the rest of the date went. but i will give you some more details just cuz it only gets worse.
through the long shopping experience, all we did was argue. i'm positive she would have argued the color of the sky or that humans breathe oxygen if i would have brought it up. we ended up getting kay a colorful scented candle by the way.
movie time. the movie was funny in a stupid kind of way. not great, not bad. now lemme ask you this. have you ever sat next to someone and you feel that they can't sit far enough away from you while still sitting in the seat next to you. i had no intention of making a move. but if i had wanted to, i would need to be sitting sideways just like she was. it was like feeling an aura of "DON'T TOUCH!". afterwards, we argued about the movie as well. go figure.
and just when you think it can't get worse.
lemme explain something. for those of you not familiar with how malls worked way back when. the mall really was the place to be. they had stores and restaurants inside the megastore and in the parking lot in walking distance. so. they happened to have a burger king inside the mall... aaaaaand one in the parking lot. (remember, no cel phones) when i asked my friends to meet us at burger king, i meant the one inside.
they waited for us at the one outside.
the girl and i were practically yelling at each other about the situation. it just got plain ugly. she was even gonna call her friend kay to pick us up. that, would have been fuel to an already raging blaze. i'm glad she didn't anyway, after much time wasted. and no more feelings left to hurt. we managed to catch up to our friends at the parking lot BK. the hell date was over. we went home.
so there you have it. hopefully, a good story about a bad date.
i hope this never happens to you.
it's always bothered me that on Spongebob Squarepants things catch on fire... underwater! ahhhh well. it's just a cartoon.
anywhatsit. i promised you a story of a hellish date that i had in high skool.
here's how it begins:
this was my freshmen or soph year, can't remember. the girl in question, let's call her "donna" was a year older than me. she went to my church and high skool. her brother, let's call him "steve" was in my grade and sat behind me in biology.
word got around to me that it was in my best interests to "ask her out." so i did it the manly and most direct way. i sent her notes through her brother. a long, tedious process is probably the worst way to start a relationship. well, through much miscommunication we got a date set.
since i was a young lad i did not drive a whole lot. (kinda like matt. zing!) i arranged for my mom to drive me there to pick her up and escort us to the mall. then my friends from church would meet us after the movie at burger king. simple plan, right? well, we shall see...
i'm going to throw in another character that is pertinent to this story. let's call her "kay." kay was, to put it nicely, "not nice." every youth group has one, church related or otherwise. the kind of guy, or (most of the time) girl that makes you just not want to come back to an otherwise fun place. kinda sad that they only have fun making others miserable, but hey, circle of life.
well, she tried to throw a wrench in the plan. my mom drove me to donna's house. i got to the door, donna answers. she gives me this guilty look and asks if we can postpone our date. why? because kay called and she was babysitting some kids who wanted to see teenage mutant ninja turtles. i was just plain amazed and bewildered she was trying to snake her way out of it. and who was convincing her to do the snaking! well, somehow i convinced her to fulfill her commitment to at least see the date through. it had to do with our friends having to wait for us at the restaurant.
this was looooong before cel phones were an accerory on every teen in America.
so she reluctantly gets in the car and my mom chauffeurs us to the mall. ahhh, the mall. the place to be and waste time for teens in the 80's - 90's -ish. we purchased tickets to see the movie "joe vs. the volcano" starring pre-oscar winner, tom hanks.
we had about an hour to waste before the movie so we shopped in the mall in order to find a birthday present for, wouldn't ya know it?, kay. now this girl donna had made up her mind that she did not want to be with me before i even knocked on her door. so, let's put it this way, have you ever been in a situation with a person where EVERYTHING you do or don't do is wrong? well, that explains how the rest of the date went. but i will give you some more details just cuz it only gets worse.
through the long shopping experience, all we did was argue. i'm positive she would have argued the color of the sky or that humans breathe oxygen if i would have brought it up. we ended up getting kay a colorful scented candle by the way.
movie time. the movie was funny in a stupid kind of way. not great, not bad. now lemme ask you this. have you ever sat next to someone and you feel that they can't sit far enough away from you while still sitting in the seat next to you. i had no intention of making a move. but if i had wanted to, i would need to be sitting sideways just like she was. it was like feeling an aura of "DON'T TOUCH!". afterwards, we argued about the movie as well. go figure.
and just when you think it can't get worse.
lemme explain something. for those of you not familiar with how malls worked way back when. the mall really was the place to be. they had stores and restaurants inside the megastore and in the parking lot in walking distance. so. they happened to have a burger king inside the mall... aaaaaand one in the parking lot. (remember, no cel phones) when i asked my friends to meet us at burger king, i meant the one inside.
they waited for us at the one outside.
the girl and i were practically yelling at each other about the situation. it just got plain ugly. she was even gonna call her friend kay to pick us up. that, would have been fuel to an already raging blaze. i'm glad she didn't anyway, after much time wasted. and no more feelings left to hurt. we managed to catch up to our friends at the parking lot BK. the hell date was over. we went home.
so there you have it. hopefully, a good story about a bad date.
i hope this never happens to you.
