Lightsabers and Lollipops

ok, so.

i am currently on winter hours for my job as a pool boy. it's what i look forward to all year. i only have to work 2 days a week. wednesdays and thursdays. last year i got my house ready to sell, converted my music collection to mp3 format and watched a heck of a lot of television series on DVD.

this year, most of the stuff i wanna do around the house actually involves money cuz i'm just not qualified enough to work on electricity or paint. trust me, i've had bad experiences with both.

so i decided the best thing to do would be to get some part time work for extra cash-a-lony.

since i have made a sacred vow to never ever work in the food industry, that leaves my other field of expertise: music and/or movies. i applied at the video store near my house. that went well, but i'm sure they have plenty of help already. then i called my buddy at circuit city. he had me fill out an application online. i had to remember all the places i worked before. oy, it's been a long time.
unfortunately, circuit city doesn't need my help. phooey.

i haven't had to hunt for a job in like 8 years. here's the protocol that i remember from the old days:

1) dress nice, but don't overdress. just look good and presentable.

2) always bring your own pen, maybe two. never ask for an application then ask to borrow a pen. this makes you look prepared.

3) do no ask if they are hiring. ask for an application. by law they have to give you one. fill it out in the workplace. just remember to stay out of the way of the customers. maybe even try to have a conversation with the manager on duty.

4) if you can, try to bring John with you. he's got a way with people. it's interesting to watch him use his Jedi mind tricks. (he doesn't even like Star Wars, he just knows people. it's weird)


when i was an asst. manager at sam goody there was a gentleman who disregarded every single one of these techniques. he came in smelling of body odor and pot. (which to me, smell the same. so when you mix them together, it's verrrry unpleasant) he was wearing a ragged old flannel. and the fact that he was just an unshaven mess didn't help. (on a side note, the person i'm describing sounds homeless. this was not true in his case, he was buying cd's. i'm all for givin people a break if they need a job when they are down on their luck.) so, he starts off with the regular, "are y'all hirin?" we did not, in fact, need anybody at the time. he did not believe me. he also did not ask for an apllication. he just started to yell at me and say loudly, "oh so you're all not hirin me cuz i'm black!" which i actually laughed because more than half my staff was black. that's right i said black! black black black! anyway, then i placed an application in his hand. he saw that he couldn't cause anymore of a scene with me and he left the store. so he didn't even ask to borrow a pen. i don't believe he ever turned in the application afterwards. so there ya go, i'm not much of a racist, but i do prefer people to not smell and act offensively.

well, that was a long tangent.

moving on. i went to target yesterday cuz i knew they were hiring. steve g. tipped me off on that one. so i shower, shave and smell good and even throw on a nice sweater. i throw 2 good pens in my pocket. and i'm off to the store. i go in, confident, ready to schmooze. i ask at the service desk "may i have an application?"
she points me to the computers and says they are on the kiosks. i had to remind myself what a kiosk was, sat down and proceeded to answer yes/no and ABCD questions.
basically, a test to show that you won't be a whiny jerk about your job while stealing. also, they like to see if you suffer from leadership.

basically, the point that i'm taking so long to make is i didn't have to smell good or be suave to apply for a job. i could have gone in on day three of boycotting showering smelling like a junior higher after playing 10 hours of dodgeball. i just have to answer positively about my attitudes about management, theft and coplaining about my crappy job.

ahh heck with it. if i don't get a part time job i will just be happy to hang around my house and play women's volleyball on my xbox. maybe i'll catch up on episodes of desperate housewives.

...and get sooooooooo fat.