Tuesday, August 30, 2005
sometimes i just shouldn't speak.
i can give you a few examples.
i have a friend, let's call him, ...john. he's always had a certain, "charisma" with the ladies.
(once again, while saying the ladies, say it like barry white. if you don't know who barry white is, GET OFF MY WEBSITE AND DON'T COME BACK UNTIL YOU'VE REDEEMED YOURSELF!)
and then there's me. i often get that blank stare from the ladies after i say something awkward. the look like you've just mentioned dungeons and dragons to a cheerleader. there, i think that's a good example.
me, not being the D & D type (i'm more of a heroclix kinda guy, although i couldn't tell you the last time i played.) still get the deer in the headlights look from the ladies from time to time.
example # 1:
again, still calling him "john". john was in an automobile accident involving a soda truck, several other cars and drugs being used by the soda trucks driver. a result of this collision was john's spine being out of whack. for which he had to see a chiropractor. he told me that the back specialist had described his back to be like a "banana"
there's the setup.
john and i went to the video store. one of the clerks happened to be "pretty hot" she was talking to john about something, i wasn't really tuned in. and the injury and the fact that he was seeing a chiropractor came up.
i then pipe up and exclaim, "HE'S A BANANA!"
she gives me a look like, who let you outside?
john grabs his videos, leaves and does not speak to me until we are in the car and speeding away. then i got a good yelling at.
example # 2:
again, same john, different location.
Windsor,Canada.
we arrive in canada at 1:30 in the morning. the streets are hopping! Everybody's out yelling, having a good time. we're hyped. go into the hotel, secure a room, throw on some smell-goods and go back outside.
ghost town.
the streets are dead.
so we ask a mountie, hey! where'd everybody go?
he replies, "we close down everything at two 'o' clock, eh. but the casinos still open"
so we go to the casino. i'm not much on gambling, a casino is about as fun to me as Dungeons ad dragons is to a cheerleader.
we look all over for the craps tables, cuz john wants to throw some dice. multi leveled casino, no craps tables. so john asked somebody "in-the-know". the man said there were no dice games allowed in canada.
NO DICE! DENIED!
so i watch john lose a few bucks in the casino, we leave.
while exiting the casino we run into these two girls. they tell a whole sob story about how they lost all their money in the casino and are going to have to sleep in their car that night. i don't really know all the details here cuz once again, i was kinda tuned out.
john said something witty to them and had them going.
me.
i said something along the lines of...
yeah, we're secret agents.
alot of it's fuzzy from that point cuz it just didn't make any sense. but they just looked at me, and then ended the conversation somehow and walked away.
while writing this out and reading it i see that opening my mouth may not be the problem. it seems i just really don't pay attention when women are speaking.
ouch, that last paragraph just has bad idea written all over it. but just for laughs, let's keep it.
again i tell you this: i'm surprised i'm married sometimes. but somehow, i pull it off from day to day.
so there.
i can give you a few examples.
i have a friend, let's call him, ...john. he's always had a certain, "charisma" with the ladies.
(once again, while saying the ladies, say it like barry white. if you don't know who barry white is, GET OFF MY WEBSITE AND DON'T COME BACK UNTIL YOU'VE REDEEMED YOURSELF!)
and then there's me. i often get that blank stare from the ladies after i say something awkward. the look like you've just mentioned dungeons and dragons to a cheerleader. there, i think that's a good example.
me, not being the D & D type (i'm more of a heroclix kinda guy, although i couldn't tell you the last time i played.) still get the deer in the headlights look from the ladies from time to time.
example # 1:
again, still calling him "john". john was in an automobile accident involving a soda truck, several other cars and drugs being used by the soda trucks driver. a result of this collision was john's spine being out of whack. for which he had to see a chiropractor. he told me that the back specialist had described his back to be like a "banana"
there's the setup.
john and i went to the video store. one of the clerks happened to be "pretty hot" she was talking to john about something, i wasn't really tuned in. and the injury and the fact that he was seeing a chiropractor came up.
i then pipe up and exclaim, "HE'S A BANANA!"
she gives me a look like, who let you outside?
john grabs his videos, leaves and does not speak to me until we are in the car and speeding away. then i got a good yelling at.
example # 2:
again, same john, different location.
Windsor,Canada.
we arrive in canada at 1:30 in the morning. the streets are hopping! Everybody's out yelling, having a good time. we're hyped. go into the hotel, secure a room, throw on some smell-goods and go back outside.
ghost town.
the streets are dead.
so we ask a mountie, hey! where'd everybody go?
he replies, "we close down everything at two 'o' clock, eh. but the casinos still open"
so we go to the casino. i'm not much on gambling, a casino is about as fun to me as Dungeons ad dragons is to a cheerleader.
we look all over for the craps tables, cuz john wants to throw some dice. multi leveled casino, no craps tables. so john asked somebody "in-the-know". the man said there were no dice games allowed in canada.
NO DICE! DENIED!
so i watch john lose a few bucks in the casino, we leave.
while exiting the casino we run into these two girls. they tell a whole sob story about how they lost all their money in the casino and are going to have to sleep in their car that night. i don't really know all the details here cuz once again, i was kinda tuned out.
john said something witty to them and had them going.
me.
i said something along the lines of...
yeah, we're secret agents.
alot of it's fuzzy from that point cuz it just didn't make any sense. but they just looked at me, and then ended the conversation somehow and walked away.
while writing this out and reading it i see that opening my mouth may not be the problem. it seems i just really don't pay attention when women are speaking.
ouch, that last paragraph just has bad idea written all over it. but just for laughs, let's keep it.
again i tell you this: i'm surprised i'm married sometimes. but somehow, i pull it off from day to day.
so there.
