Lightsabers and Lollipops

i wish the bees would stop attacking me.

and whatever happened to candice? from australia?
she no longer signs the guestbook.
does she have a sister?

oh candeece!

oh candeece's seester!?

www.homestarrunner.com

heh.

if you watch the movie benny and joon, watch the part where benny is explaining to johnny depp's character about joon's "condition."
when johnny finds out she's a little bit crazy, he gives a little uncontrollable smile, then kind of hides it and tries to be serious.
that pretty much sums up how i feel about most things in life.
i'm kind of hiding smiling on the inside at the crazy and silly things in life.
so every time you watch the movie benny and joon (and i know that's a lot) think of me.
in fact, think of me when you're watching any movie with john cusack in it as well!
so there.

sorry no blogs lately, gimme a break! Star Wars came out on DVD. i can skip bad scenes, zoom in on happy parts and critique whats been changed. sigh, if i wasnt married, i would wonder about me...

...absolutely no creative thoughts right at this moment.
keep yourself busy.
go read a book or something...

is there still a demand for midget actors in hollywood?
there just aren't many movies that call for a vast array of short characters such as: munchkins, ewoks or even pint sized robots.
and the guy who played mini-me seemed to be hogging all the short guy roles for awhile.
i bet the midget actors union hated him.
heck, even the vertically challenged actors in lord of the rings had their faces digitally replaced!
sigh. poor little guys...

here's another story why i don't gamble:

last thursday the radio station that i listen to most of the time (99.9) had a contest to give away lots of tickets. they would play the promo every 99 minutes and you could be the ninth caller and win.
since i spend a lot of my day driving i thought i mught as well give it a try, it's a somewhat new radio station, i may have a chance.
the first time i hear the promo i jump the gun!
bam! i'm calller # 1.
hit redial. i'm caller #3.
hmm. hit redial. caller #5.
sooo close. hit redial. caller # 8.

sigh.

the radio guy wished me good luck and told me to try again in an hour and a half.

...later.
i call the number. caller #4. ...ok
hit redial. # 6.
punch the heck out of redial. the radio dude tells me i'm one off. i don't think to ask # 8 or #10. he thanks me for listening.

...even later.
i'm at home, listening to the radio in my house which i never do.
the promo plays. my heart pumps.
i give it some time, i i dial, caller # 6. cool.
hit me!
i get the guy, he says, hello?
i say hello. did i win?
he says, hello! can you hear me!
i raise my vooice, yes! i can hear you! can you hear me?
he says, hello! hello! can you hear me?
i repeat my last phrase.
i look at my signal opn my phone, i have full signal. my house has always has a good signal.
the problem is on their end.
if i hang up and call back, they just go on and award the next caller.
at this point i'm yelling, YES! I CAN HEAR YOU! HELLO?! ARRRGH!
i have to end the call.
so chances are, since they spent so much time trying to "hear me", i was in fact, caller number 9.
i'm one of the few people i know who can win without winning.
this happens to me way to much. frustrating circumstances.
it just gnaws at my mind.

this is why i find gambling, in my situation..is a bad idea.

i'm a cool guy, i just don't win things.

always a runner up, never a grand prize winner. i'll take my home version of the game and go home now.

my two year old daughter cuddles with me better than any girlfriend or wife i've ever been with. she just kind of conforms right onto me wherever i'm laying or sitting. it's just too darn cute!

there, now who said i have no feelings?

oh, wait. that was me...

so i'm poopin in a bathroom in a retirement community center.
there's a sign above the toilet that states:

this is a water conserving toilet.
you may have to flush twice.

NOW WAIT A MINUTE!

i've learned in my many years of using bathrooms that flushing a toilet takes copious amounts of water.
how do you save water by constantly flushing it down the toilet. in this topsy turvy world of conserving resources as sacred as toilet water, how does this make a lick of sense?

me, i have no answer. i mean, i'm sure there is one, and a very good one at that. but then, that would make this comment on life not so funny.
maybe it isn't even funny in the first place...
maybe some people just don't get my kind of humor.
maybe sometimes i run these ideas past my wife and she says no one will get it.
maybe i make too much of a big deal about little incosequential things that nobody cares about.
maybe there's a bigger issues out there for me to stress about! like war, world hunger, oppression and bad meat.
maybe i need to watch more cartoons.
cartoons are funny.
i like laughing.
tee-hee.

so i was reading some issues of uncanny x-men where nightcrawler, angel and iceman are trying to save some mutants who live in the sewers ... in england. the ones that survived had these powers:

1) double helix- has the wonderful power of having two heads. yay.

2) carla- a human mole

3) the burning puddle- he sweats acid, rather unfortunate. doesn't date much...

4) his mother, saccharine- she sweats sugar, always surrounded by flies

5) harmony- she's green , has gills and that's about it.

i can't see these mutant heroes defeating villains like magneto or even unus, the guy i mentioned before who suffocated himself in his own force field.

i think i may be running out of things to write about. maybe a trip to the hostess outlet will help stimulate my mind...

mmmm discounted fruit pies.

SCENE MISSING.

fat kids are great.