Lightsabers and Lollipops

now here's a question:
why on earth do spiders make webs across commonly used doorways?
man!!! that really bothers me!
they can't make a happy little home in the corner where i'm not going to walk through it.
it's like the not so wise man who built his house on the sand. you know some human is going to walk right through the doorway, destroying your life's work (that you shot out of your butt)and you're going to have to rebuild you web yet again (out of your butt).
or is it that spiders are trying ensare humans in their little webs, thus making a meal that will last many generations of spiderlings to come.
um, all it does is really annoy me and many others when we get that gross feeling of walking through a spider web. you know the feeling, that crawly, yucky feeling that gives you all kinds of shivers. (knowing that it was shot out of some creatures butt isnt all that comforting either)
i just wish they would stop.

y'know what would suck about being in the mafia?
constantly going to funerals.
people are constantly getting "whacked" in "the family".
that's a lot of sad gatherings to attend.
and me, i'm not much of a funeral guy.
not that anybody really is, and if you are you're a sicko pal.

speaking of funerals, i want three things to happen for my funeral:

1) i want they might be giants, or a good sounding alternative version, to sing the song "dead."

2) i want there to be a sale at a computer or stereo store.
y'know. like the commercials where the guy in the plaid suit is just yelling "AND WE ARE SLASHING PRICES!!! SEE THIS DVD PLAYER? WAS $199.99. NOW IT'S JUST $89.99. OUR PRICES ARE INSANE!!!! because Space would have wanted it that way. PRICES DROPPING LIKE FLIES! EVERYTHING MUST GO!!!!!"

3) there had better be good food.

y'know? the movie tank girl wasn't all that bad until ice-t showed up in a kangaroo outfit.

the reason, BETH, that i wrote never trust anyone over thirty was that i was quoting charlton heston from the end of planet of the apes (the original non-tim burton one) when he was saying goodbye to a young ape. he said, and remember, never trust anyone over thirty, and laughed. he was probably quoting some other movie or making a point about some hippie generation thing. i don't know. i was just being facicious. seeing as i am 29 stinkin years old. i should only hold less than a year of the youngins trust. but i'm hangin on to my youth! obviously... i'm a toys 'r' us kid. i'm a member of the star wars fan club! i was a member of the barry manilow fan club, but they never sent me anything back, probably just as well.i'm also a member o sam's club, and that's so i can buy my ever so tasty giant oatmeal cream pies from little debbie's (12 for 2.50 $)now that's good eatin! but what i really want right now are some M & M's. the plain kind. no peanuts, no crunchy, no almond...not even peanut butter. just plain M & M's. loads of em. i'm gonna go lie down now.

and remember kids, never trust anyone over thirty.

wheatcakes.

so i have a new work vehicle to use, hopefully i will get my other one back soon. my other one has a cd player in it.

i knew before but i realize more than ever how important having my own music to listen to!!!

ive said it over one hundred times.

RADIO SUCKS.

every time i find a good or even semi decent song, it's the last 30 seconds of it. then i get in between 20 minutes to 4 hours of annoying commercials, annoying DJ's, annoying anything that's not music.

all this talky talky and no musica makes spacey an unhappy and homicidal camper.

i've found (jacki can back me up on this ...i think) that the latin stations play the best music. and i'm surprised their are so many of them. there was a techno mix the other night that did make me all kinds of happy. psst, the secret: all music and no talky talky.

i have been listening to this jazz station in the mornings. all things jazz from glen ellen. on a windy day you can pick it up.
the announcer/DJ cracked me up the other day. he is a very dry speaker. he was doing the weather or something and had an uncontrolled burp. you know, the ones that sneak up on you. well, he seemed to play it off well. he made me think it was even static. but then... it made him giggle...and he couldnt stop. now that's entertainment. when a stuffy, dry jazz DJ announcer cant cut out a case of the giggles, i almost get teary eyed.

but i would trade it in a second to get back my control of the tunes.

sigh.

don't let the man bring you down.

remember kids being gay or on drugs is only funny in TV and movies.

in real life it's just sad.

so according to comics and movies, Superman's father, Jor-El, knew that the planet Krypton was going to blow up, and then nobody could live there.

i suppose this would be good information to know...and share.

so he tells the other council members and they call him all kinds of crazy and forbid him to leave the planet.

he abides. he does not leave the planet. he secretly sends his son away in a rocket to earth...and stays on Krypton to face a fiery and painful death.

this i don't get.

he was told he would be arrested if he was to leave the planet.

the planet that was inevitably going to blow up.

now...if a cop, a supreme court judge and my mom told me i was going to be in a whole lot of trouble if i left this mudball that was about to be snuffed out of existence, i would be warming up the engines and waving goodbye. i might even take a few people i didn't mind being around with me too.

sure, i'd be sad if the earth blew up. it's where i keep all my stuff. but if the everything starts to melt and there's a spaceship ready (krypton was certainly capable of space travel, maybe their rockets were only made in baby size) better believe me, i'm flying this baby to the moon!!!

or at least some other planet that has oxygen in their atmosphere, food, water to drink and the internet.

anyway, i guess the point is:
don't let the man bring you down.

so i'm watchin Star Wars Episode I "the phantom menace" for the umteenth time. and i came to another sad realization of the star wars universe (besides it's dateless fans).

so qui gon jin goes into watto's shop and asks for a certain hyperdrive thingie (it was a T-14 hyperdrive, but i sometimes dumb it down for non-nerds) and he is told that there are no other of these particular hyperdrive thingies are on sale at any of the other junk and parts dealers.

does he look?
does he shop around?
does he ask about competitive pricing?

no.

so, besides being a poor lightsaber duelist( see the end of the movie when he gets skewered, hope i didn't ruin the movie for ya) he is also not an aggressive shopper.

the sad thing is...i have no idea why this bothers me.

yknow? Spider-Man and i have the same intials. Spider-Man...SpaceMan

hm, wierd.

i stole a stapler remover from a fabric store when my mom took me shopping when i was about 6. i didn't know what it really was, i just knew it looked cool and had teeth. i still feel bad about that.

so i'm watchin the movie timeline and besides not being a big fan of time travel stories (save the back to the future trilogy) there's something that i just dont quite like about sending 7 people to die just to bring back one. well, not all seven people die... i haven't ruined too much of the movie. but, psst. people do get killed in horrible ghastly and frenchly ways. or they just get stabbed and verbally abused. in no particular order. i usually try to read michael crichton books before i see the movies, but timeline never made it into my pile of books to be read. in fact, write my guestbook and let me know what book you are in the middle of. if you are not currently reading a book, then shame on you!!! expand your mind.

GO NOW!