Lightsabers and Lollipops

Hu-Guh!


this was the last picture we took at comic con.

i thought it was going to be the last picture ever taken of me alive.
she was really pressing the blade to my throat and you add in the factor that jim was yelling, "cut him!" slice him up!" and "DO IT!" i thought that i had finally messed with the wrong girl dressed as a hot comic book character.

but luckily i walked away with only a warning. what that warning was i totally forgot. so let this be a lesson to you kids.
like um, never eat yellow snow or never rub a another man's rhubarb. i don't know.

by this point i've really stopped paying attention and i'm thinking about the next time i'm going to drink a Monster Java Loca Moca.

mmmmmm Loca Moca.

and then there was the time when i knocked out the power for a small portion of the town of Frankfort, Illinois using nothing but a lincoln town car and a bad sense of direction.

sometimes, if you're lucky, you get invited to jim's to play some serious Wii.
unfortunately i'm gonna miss the next one cuz i gotta work and sell books to the general public.
mmm extra cash.
i love being able to super-size.

Spacey/Dinglenoose: The Showdown?

had a strange encounter early this morning.
at 6 a.m. i was leaving for work, as i open my door leading to my garage i see something i'm not expecting.
a brown mouse standing directly in my path looking straight up at me.
i closed the door so when i moved he wouldn't dart into the house.
his lack of movement made me cautious.
i stood in front of him for a good 30 seconds considering my options.
questions ran through my head like:
1) did they send a messenger to strike a deal? a truce? a surrender? my surrender?

2) is this a trap?

3) is he already speaking to me but i don't understand his crazy mouse language and this is frustrating for both of us?

4) will this end or escalate the war between me and Dinglenoose?

5) did i remember to put on deodorant today?

so i assess more of the situation.
i look around, i see that one of the three mouse traps that i set has been sprung, but there is no mouse in it. so i assume the obvious that he was trying to lick the trap clean of peanut butter (like he or his brothers had done before, which i found disturbing) and he got hurt but not killed by the tricky contraption.
i was weighing the options of killing him or letting him go.

A) i kill him. that's one less mouse in the ranks and perhaps even the leader taken out of action. yay Spacey.

B) i let him go. showing mercy and perhaps even getting on the good side and living in harmony with the lil monsters.

i weighed my options carefully and like a true American i went with option A.
kill em all.

i gave some thought to stepping on him. but my shoes are wearing out and i really didn't want to feel the mouse crunch under my foot. plus i could see that ending all kinds of bad ways. one of them being that he revived and ran up my pant leg and reaping all sorts of havoc. makes me think of Admiral Ackbar yelling, "It's a trap!"

so i reached for the closest thing that was broad and flat. he only turned slightly to see me move sideways. and SLAM! i bring it down hard right on top of him.
...but not hard enough.
i did not kill him.
i only broke him.

here's where it gets weird.
the evil side of me emerges.
i considered just letting him writhe in agony until he stopped being alive.
the best he could do at this point was do a little roll/twist and move a couple inches.

my next move was to sweep him outside with a broom and let nature take it's course.
i was running outta time here. i mean, i was on my way to work if you recall.
so the dying mouse is outside.
it's dark. it's raining. it's a morbid scene.
as i run back inside to get something and come back out i notice that he has roll/twisted about a foot back towards the garage.
and a thought occurs to me: if he survives miraculously or even tells his friend with his dying breath what happened to him and who to blame. there could be some serious retaliation.
don't think i'm not gonna sleep without the lights on tonight.

so in my last horrible act i kick him under my tire and run him over with my truck.
you could say it was a mercy killing, but i think at that point i was just going for overkill.
insult to injury.
a finality.

so.
we will see what repurcussions this has in Dinglenoose's crusade against my sanity.

and let this be a lesson to the rest of you who go try and touch my stuff.

i'll drop somethin heavy on you and run you over.



on a lighter note:
really big praying mantis's have the common courtesy to at least the ring the doorbell if they want in. the rodents could learn a thing or two from these endangered bugs.



word?

word.

yeah. that's not scary at all...

i miss buying and playing Heroclix...


they've even got a HaloClix.

Dinglenoose continues his crusade.

my wifey and i are befuddled by the tenacity and sheer evil mindedness of the mice that frequently visit our house uninvited.
as a display of our inhospitable nature towards furry critters that like to devalue and defile our domicile, we set out traps and even bought a device that emits a super high pitched sound that drive mice mad inside their minds.
well.
apparently, they get used to the sounds from the machine. kinda like i tune out rap music when i DJ parties and weddings.
and the traps? hmm. we set new ones last night. we baited them with peanut butter cuz mice oh so love that creamy sandwich spread.
BUT!
Dinglenoose and his followers showed me just what they think of the spring loaded death traps:
they managed to poop directly onto the peanut butter and not set off the traps!!!
i kid you not. they defecated nowehere else but onto the peanut butter covered trigger.
that means they lifted their itty bitty lil mouse butt up enough to make number 2 onto what they were supposed to be killed eating.
they know what will happen if they indulge in the free meal.
and that scares me. alot.
i mean, i can make fun of being taunted by demon mice all i want. hopefully that makes for entertaining reading.
but when they provide proof that they can outsmart anything i throw at them, that gives me the heebie jeebies.
i'm gonna end up blowin up my house like in the old cartoons. and just like in the old cartoons, the mice will endure, triumph and probably kiss me on the cheek as the credits roll.

i'm gonna go watch Mouse Hunt. maybe that will calm me down...

it's about bloody time!




at last, they have combined two of my favorite candy bars and made Spaceykins very joyful... and triumphant.



i dare you to find a happier (or shinier) boy.

i'm also addicted to the new monster java-loca moca drink.

http://www.monsterenergy.com/newstore/catalog/
it calls out to me, and i answer.

i need a cricket bat before the end of the month...

yet, another reason why i shouldn't play with my kids toys.



every appendage on this animal is a tail.

except for the tail. which is, of course a leg.

each time i look at this pic i hear the words, "every moment i live... is agony."

my mind is a fun and woderful yet scary place.

worst attraction ever.



i've got some more pictures from this place. but this was just terrible. green stuff came out of the robots nose.


i want birthday cake.

somehow it tastes better than normal no reason cake.