Lightsabers and Lollipops

and then i accidentally stepped on a caterpillar and it's insides squirted out like toothpaste.

yeah, it was pretty gross.

um, thanks steve.

BECAUSE YOU DEMANDED IT!!!


Spacey vs. satan

WHO WILL WIN?!?!?

actually, i know who would win. satan has been takin down punks like me for years.
i could never do it alone.

and that's why i got the power of the Lord on my side!
(now it's important when reading the last sentence to pronounce it like a southern gospel preacher: and that's why i got tha powah of tha Loward on mah side-uh! can ah have and Amen? etc.)

and i may have not read all of the Bible but i did skip to the end.
i know who wins.

yeah, so take that satan!


booyacka!



...i would have put up a good fight though...

now what do you think this is?

this.
this is trouble.
trouble caused by my two year old son.
let's set up the situation:

Sunday.
wifey had to go to target to buy things. things we like.
so i was in charge of the kiddos.
i put in the movie Happy Feet cuz the girl wanted to watch it.
and the boy, well he barely pays attention to the TV unless Dora is struttin her stuff on screen.
so he was playing with various items around the room.
i was trying to get some things done around the house and make sure the kids didn't set the place on fire.
the boy was playing with his vacuum cleaner while i was dusting the entertainment center.
i kept turning around to check on him to make sure that's all he was doing.
then i smelled something stronger than the furniture polish.

...it was permanent black marker.

he had done all of this wonderful artwork in 20 seconds.
i kid you not.

i'm in shock and panic all at the same time.

i take the marker and throw it back in the drawer while screaming how i am so dead and that "your mommy" is gonna kill me. all the while saying things like "NO MARKER" and "BAD."

and get this.
while i'm calling wifey on her cell phone to beg pre-forgiveness and ask how can i treat this so that someday it will be presentable again, he got out the marker and added TWO MORE LINES!!!

i was chided for putting the marker back where he found it. makes sense now....

oh and when i called wifey i had her worried cuz the tone my voice was in a state of horror and panic. i started off with, "he was only two feet away from me, and it took him 20 seconds, and i don't know what to do..." etc.
so after i explained the situation she told me what to spray on it and not to do anything else. period.

the marker in question came from the blue table/drawer that you see on the side here. it replaced the older unpainted one that had a drawer that sticks. well, this new drawer slides open easily and noiselessly, a fact which my son took advantage of. two feet from the top of this picture is the entertainment center, which is where i was standing while all this took place.
good parenting, i know.

well, that's the story for now. someday i may have a flashback and tell you how this is an Earl-Like karmic retribution for decorating my dad's den using a rubber stamper with his company's logo on it....


meow!

and then john found out that i was out of Miracle Whip and he left my house.

...and he didn't come back.

now that's comedy.

someday i'll tell you why i can no longer jump on a trampoline.

well, it looks like i'm gonna have to start wearing pants again.

is it me...

or does this violate both rule one and two of Fight Club?

since i've never seen this movie before, i never gave thought to this.

but i popped in the dvd of "the last unicorn" for my daughter to watch.

she'd never seen it either.

so upon hearing the title of the movie she asked, "Daddy, if it's the last one, what happened to the other unicorns?"

"um, i guess they're gone."

"but daddy, what happened to them?"

"well i guess they died. let's watch the movie and see."

(life's harsh sometimes)

we only watched the movie until bedtime, which was pretty much 10 minutes. last thing i saw was the unicorn talking to a butterfly and asking if it had seen any other unicorns in all it's travels. he was nuttybats by the way. the unicorn didn't get any real answers. so mystery not solved. still, it was bedtime. she'll watch it later. then maybe she wil find out who killed all the unicorns and why.

i've never had "the last unicorn" on my list of movies i gotta see.
because, yes, being a guy and liking unicorns does make you gay.

...unless you're napoleon dynamite. and he's a fictional character.

fictional (making hand motions like ben affleck in jay and silent bob strike back) characters.


my son sleeps underneath his pillow by the way.

http://www.dvdactive.com/news/releases/transformers.html

October 16 th. yay.

HAPPY

(belated)

ROBOT CHICKEN

DAY!!!!!


joy.

Dora's mom is hot.
there, i said it.