Lightsabers and Lollipops

i've been meaning to do this for awhile.
around june, matt and i made a cd set entitled:

"Josh Rutledge's worst fears brought to life through the wonders of electronic music"

for those of you who do know Josh, and if you don't know him...get to know him! he's an okay guy. um, er, for those of you who know him, you know that he is pretty darn talented on the guitar and about any other musical instrument. this makes him dislike any repetitive , mindless music that can be made by a monkey that recently had a labotomy.
he's informed me that he can tolerate about 2 and a half to three minutes of any music that goes, "nnn tss nnn tss nnn tss...and so on. this does not help that most techno songs are 6 to 12 minutes.

if there's a song that features 2 minutes of vocals and 11 minutes of guitar solo, he is on his computer searching for the version that has no vocals and 20 minutes of guitar... also featuring an extended bass solo!

the guy can't help it. he sees the world in musical notes. or at the very least, tabliture.

now me, i love the music made by labotomized monkeys.

the song list for the cd set is as follows:

disc 1 : the blue pill mix

1) prodigal sons - ode to jonie
2) prodigal sons - satan is dead
3) scott blackwell - XYZ
4) world wide message tribe - lift it
5) jyradelix -feeling is believing
6) jyradelix - ol McRave
7) zero - hexidecibal
8) virus - polyester
9) prohecy of panic - the end
10) audity - music from the heart
11) sixpence none the richer - love, salvation and the fear of a remix
12) cloud2ground - madness for love
13) scott blackwell - real
14) aj mora - i found something real
15) holy hard house - no no no no (why not? mix)
16) dance house children - the locket maker
17) joy electric - sugar rush

disc2: the red pill mix

1) (inspector gadget techno remix)
2) the vengaboys - we like to party
3) L.A. style - james brown is dead
4) fatboy slim - because we can
5) basement jaxx - do your thing
6) fluke - absurd
7) looper - mondo 77
8) darude - the flow
9) DJ icey - city of groove
10) lionrock - fire up the shoesaw
11) BT - never gonna come back down
12) keoki - caterpillar
13) 808 state - cubik
14) underworld - cowboy
15) orbital - halcyon on + on (live)
16) kraftwerk - numbers

we added on a disclaimer that :
no guitars were harmed at all during the making of this cd.
in fact, i don't believe any guitars were used at all.

and now, for josh's worst nightmares:

1) Michael Sweet is never born. Stryper never becomes a band. MxPx is the only band to break into the mainstream.
2) Parents misunderstand what Josh wants for Christmas. They buy him a Key-tar instead.
3) All doorways are mandatorily made 6 inches shorter. No one informs Josh.
4) Paul Reuben “caught in the act” before making “Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure”. Josh’s favorite movie becomes “Sound Of Music”.
5) Eddie Van Halen never learns guitar. His parents make him learn accordion. He now plays in the best polka band in the tri-state area.
6) On another note, Weird Al never plays music. He’s the most annoying architect in his workplace.
7) Jacki becomes the nun she always wanted to be
8) The drummer from Rush, Neal Peart loses his arm in a car crash shortly after Rick Allen of Def Leppard does the same. Rick Allen plays the sympathy card while Neal Peart turns to a life of crime and kills the wife of Dr. Richard Kimble.
9) The “Majesty Demos’ are lost in a fire before they are ever distributed. The legendary band Dream Theater never comes to fruition. The next best band to even compare is… Slaughter.
10) Steve Jobs gives up and sells out to Bill Gates shortly before the Apple II is released. Macintosh is no more. No iTunes, iPods or even computers in any color. Bill Gates admits to being satan. “At this point what are you gonna do about it?” he says.


so there you have it, i think my longest blog ever.
thanks josh.


T-Shirts and cd's are on sale in the lobby.
hope you enjoyed the show.

i apologize for the lack of inciteful and lengthy blogs as of late.
lately the most exciting thing that is happening to me daily is where i chose to eat for lunch.

it was KFC today.

ahem.

i was kinda bummed that nobody guesse what my first record was. not too bummed, just a leetle.
matt was kinda close when he guessed "morris day and the mother funkin time."
my first record/album that was'nt a kiddy turn the page when it beeps kind of recording was...

prince - purple rain the motion picture soundtrack

i wore that record out. it's still in my parents attic, i believe. i'm sure it is in terrible shape. i'll find out when we dig it out of the mess that we've been kind of chipping away at my parents house. oh, the memories.

of course, this leads me to a story.

way back when i was in cub scouts we had dinners in some catholic church basement with other troops or packs or whatever we called them.
one of those dinners we were supposed to have a talent show. all the other scouts were going to perform whatever talents they had or didnt have.
i was excited! i was going to sing and dance to a prince song. i practiced and practiced in my basement. i had the moves, baby! i was a star!
in my cub scout group, there was at least one other kid who was going to do a magic show. the other kids couldnt think of what to do so they just...didnt.

the big night comes.
we eat our fried chicken dinner in anticipation.
when the time comes for the show to begin i find out that the other kid who was going to magic in my group had chickened out. ...he wasnt alone...

not one cub scout had entered the talent show.

...except me.

i still did it anyway. it was one of the worst times of my life! i did'nt dance. i did'nt sing.
i just leaned against the table behind me for fear of collapsing. i stared at the floor and just lip synced (heh, like ashlee simpson). i was trembling, i could feel waves of pity from the parents.
i'm pretty sure i chose the song "take me with you" but i remember practicing my little dance moves to "i would die 4 u" .

i don't even remember if i won or not. maybe ithey gave me a ribbon or something.

after the fact, i remember wanting to kill the kid who chickened out of his magic act. i can still see the faces of the parents and scoutmasters who just wanted my misery to be over.

just like i want this blog entry to be over with.

maybe someday i'll tell you why i never made it into boy scouts.

sometimes, just sometimes, i hate annoying and nagging questions.
such as:

did you know you missed a spot?
am i in your way?
did you see (insert my favorite or not-so-favorite team) play last night?
so ya like Star Wars, huh? ...well na-nuu na-nuu Spock!
what are you doing with that knife?
where are you taking me?

sigh...
some people know how to get on my last nerve.

and who you callin a psycho!?

reality TV makes me cranky.

BEHOLD! THE POWER OF CHEESE!!!!

i think halloween decorations are a waste of time and money.

so there.

Superman is dead.

i don't think he's coming back this time.

i will give a wonderful prize to anyone who can guess what was the first real album that i owned.
yes, it was a record, one of those big shiny discs that spins under a needle.
and we are not talking like the muppet movie soundtrack or mousercize. we are talking about a real artist that made the top 40 list from time to time.
like i said...wonderful prize.
use the guestbook, that's what it's there for.

i want pizza.

i can no longer jump on trampolines.

and here's why:

i hit myself with my own car.

(short pause)

yes, i hit myself with my own car.

my friend michael (now my brother in law) was parked behind me and i was ready to leave. i got out of my car to ask him to move.
i kind of, um, left my car in reverse.
an 86 lincoln town car, a massive steel tank of a vehicle, pinned my knees to his truck.
i wasn't broken, but the sacs of goo in my knees that seperate the bones popped.

so i just don't jump around a whole lot. and a trampoline does bad things to me. it's like my knees don't exist on them. i keep collapsing and crumbling.

some day, i may tell you how i knocked out the power in part of frankfort using the same car.

i...i... just don't like praise music.

there, i said it.

i Blog... because i care.

at one point in my life i was dating this girl named shelly (she actually reads this from time to time so i could be digging myself in deep here...).
shelly was always very inquisitive, still is. she would try to delve deeper into your psyche by asking you questions such as: if you were to only eat one type of food for the rest of your life... or what if your best friend told you he was gay...
now keep in mind, i'm a guy. guys tend to panic and say dumb things when they are put on the spot by someone they want to continue kissing.
of course, i feel i can answer her questions with confidence at this time in my life considering we dated about 9 years ago and we kind of moved on with our lives, yknow got married and stuff.
anywho.
one time shelly asked me the question:
if you were stranded on a desert island, and you could take anything of mine to keep as a memento, what would it be?
again, guy, kissing, ...panic.
i could have answered a bracelet, her favorite cd, a picture, even a scented candle for crying out loud!
but noooooo, i stick my foot way in my mouth.
i answer... her head.
yes, her head in a box.
my reasononing behind it was, well, if i can't be with her... then... y'know what i still can't justify that answer.
sigh.
i don't ever wonder why she broke up with me.
i know.